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Wisdom of Reagan: Government Waste
“Government is like a baby: [A digestive system] with a big appetite
at one end and no responsibility at the other.”
—Ronald “The Gipper” Reagan
The Gipper knew a thing or two
__about how governments
unchecked become like me or you
__and have real sentience.
Without exception, each one that
__achieved sufficient scale,
would spring to life and then point at
__our wealth and start to wail.
The first word each one learned was “mine,”
__like any newborn child,
and if somebody dared decline
__their wish then they’d act wild.
With tantrums they’d demand to get
__whatever was in sight.
Each brand-new tax would only whet
__their growing appetite.
We’ve fed our baby but forgot
__to put a diaper on,
and cringe when standing on the spot
__it plops its poop upon.
With each demand we don’t refuse
__our baby gets more spoiled,
so now we clean brown residues
__whenever we get soiled.
The hardest part of parenthood
__is helping kids mature.
If we won’t do that then we should
__just learn to love manure.
When it says “mine,” we must say “no,”
__to build some discipline.
We’ll curb the smelly fecal flow,
__and make our fat kid thin.
.
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Warren Bonham is a private equity investor who lives in Southlake, Texas.
Warren, for once I have to admire a filthy lyric. You further develop Reagan’s thoughtfully foul simile through every well-expressed quatrain–in scenes and smells familiar to parents. I like that intellectual word “sentience” (sensory awareness not involving thought) in the first stanza, and I notice it is the only word in the poem possibly demanding a dictionary. You do switch grammatical pronouns for the little monster from “one” to “they” to “it,” but this serves to illustrate parental lack of comprehension by “we” the people about what we have produced. In other words, it looks artistic rather than erroneous. Using “they” places a necessary focus on the increase of tax-consuming bureaucrats as a single government grows. Wish Reagan had been able to do more with his idea that “the bigger the government, the smaller the citizen.” He did at least turn excessive spending toward defense, which was relatively impoverished in his time–and thereby achieved some temporarily strong maturity. Good to have your reminder of his practical wisdom.
I’m not typically a fan of potty humor either but I blame this one on Reagan. I’ve been watching some of his speeches and reading some of his quotes lately and this one stood out since it feels more and more like we’re on the receiving end of the “waste” being produced by our infantile government. I completely agree with your point about Reagan not quite living up to the statements he made. He did better than most and whatever improvements he was able to make sure didn’t last very long. Maybe the next President will do better?
Warren, you put Reagan’s quote into an excellent poem of comparing children and government. We are indeed getting unfair taxation with special interest representation that wastes our money.
Roy, thanks for the comment. You would know better than most how our government acts like a spoiled brat much of the time.
I like that quote, which I had never heard before, and it rings as true today as during the man’s lifetime. Your poem is a humorous reminder that most of our problems in life boil down to individual, collective, and generational failures to deal with basic aspects of life and to take responsibility for all our actions and their consequences. I enjoyed reading it, thank you.
I don’t know if Reagan really came up with his many stories and witticisms all by himself but amusing quotes on virtually every topic have been attributed to him. You nailed the point about the failure at so many levels to take responsibility for direct and indirect consequences of our actions.