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Lines for Your Valentines

Without you here, my life is like
A broken pencil, simply pointless.
And if you tell me to take a hike,
My legs won’t move, you’ve made them jointless.

When I got up today I sneezed
And God blessed me with seeing you.
What’s that you say? Am I a sleaze?
Come tell me how I can improve.

Your dad must be some kind of baker
Because you are a cutie pie.
What do you mean “Go meet my maker?”
I’ll not leave you until I die.

Oh no, I think you have sunburn
Or do you always look so hot?
That look could even the Devil spurn—
What strength of will my love has got!

Are you a Wi-Fi signal? It seems
That my device is now connected.
It’s true that only “in my dreams”
Such beauty as yours can be detected.

You must be nicknamed Lady Google;
You’re everything that I’ve searched for.
Aha! I see I’ve made you giggle;
You’ve taught me I can hope for more.

.

.

LTC Roy E. Peterson, US Army Military Intelligence and Russian Foreign Area Officer (Retired) has published more than 6,200 poems in 88 of his 112 books. He has been an Army Attaché in Moscow, Commander of INF Portal Monitoring in Votkinsk, first US Foreign Commercial Officer in Vladivostok, Russia and Regional Manager in the Russian Far East for IBM. He holds a BA, Hardin-Simmons University (Political Science); MA, University of Arizona (Political Science); MA, University of Southern California (Int. Relations) and MBA University of Phoenix. He taught at the University of Arizona, Western New Mexico University, University of Maryland, Travel University and the University of Phoenix.

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16 Responses

  1. Shamik Banerjee

    Witty, humourous, and fun! I love your catchy wordplay, Mr. Peterson. The WiFi couplet’s my favourite. A perfect light verse for Valentine’s.

    Reply
    • Roy Eugene Peterson

      Thank you, Shamik. I am so glad you commented on them and enjoyed the results.

      Reply
  2. Jonathan Kinsman

    Roy, wit is a key ingredient in the ways and wiles of love. Your self-deprecating images have a feint and riposte skill (I know whereof I speak: team captain of the UC Riverside Fencing Team in ages past) in the vein of Edmund Rostand’s hero. And done with a flourish and a hit! Pointe d’arret! And I would be remiss not to acknowledge that my Muse enjoyed it very much and read it out loud to my chagrin!! Dastardly foe!! Hah!

    Reply
  3. Joseph S. Salemi

    The fact that the poem’s title indicates plurality (“Lines” and “Valentines”) suggests that these are offers of comic advice to men who want to charm a lady friend, with each bit of advice a little funnier than the previous one.

    I suppose one could call it a kind of seductions poem, since the last quatrain hints that the speaker’s success is not far off:

    Aha! I see I’ve made you giggle;
    You’ve taught me I can hope for more.

    Those two lines remind me of what a character said in Spike Lee movie — “Once I make a girl laugh, I know it’s an easy next step to bed.”

    Reply
    • Roy Eugene Peterson

      Dr. Salemi, in fact my first title had “Pickup Lines for Men and Boys.” The change was due to Valentine’s Day submission. You have exposed my final intent with a great quote from the Spike Lee movie. Your comments are greatly appreciated.

      Reply
  5. Susan Jarvis Bryant

    Roy, I believe a genuine, joy-filled smile is one of the greatest gifts one can receive on Valentine’s Day. Thank you for yours!

    Reply
  6. Brian A. Yapko

    This is a marvel of tone, Roy, because you manage to make the poem both romantic and charmingly cheesy — not an easy feat! It’s great to be able to smile again and your breezy words (I really think of them as song lyrics) have me in mind of the comedy romantic poems of the 1930s like “You’re the Top” and “It’s DeLovely.” Someone should set this one to music.

    Reply
  7. Gigi Ryan

    Roy, I enjoyed your Valentine Line’s very much. My favorite was about the baker and cutie pie. I am somehow put in mind of the old cartoon – Pepe Le Pew, who tried too hard to catch his intended. Thank you for this fun collection put into a poem.
    Gigi

    Reply
    • Roy Eugene Peterson

      Gigi, I remember Pepe Le Pew very well. Thank you for your kind comments.

      Reply
  8. Morrison Handley-Schachler

    Brilliant, Roy. I really enjoyed reading this – but I’m not tempted to try any of these out.

    Reply

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