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Beyond All Words
Can words alone, in skill-scribed shape or form—
Inspired by muse or writ with feathered plume—
Express the stark-dark depth of death-dread storm?
Or fell despair of bleak-black hopeless doom?
Can laureled laureate’s ode of limn-lit love
Convey or capture rapture’s ecstasy?
Or sonnets Portuguese dare hope to move
My heart the way your tender kiss moves me?
Beyond all words, my words, now humbled, flee
Before the one whose love has tied my tongue;
Left speechless, lost in dumb-struck reverie;
My wordless, silent serenade unsung.
For words, well written, rhymed or otherwise,
Can ne’er e’en scribe the color of your eyes.
.
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James A. Tweedie is a retired pastor living in Long Beach, Washington. He has written and published six novels, one collection of short stories, and four collections of poetry including Sidekicks, Mostly Sonnets, and Laughing Matters, all with Dunecrest Press. His poems have been published nationally and internationally in both print and online media. He was honored with being chosen as the winner of the 2021 SCP International Poetry Competition.
Beautiful alliterative love poem with transcendental words uplifting and befitting while entrancing the heart. Love is the greatest reason for poetic expression, and you have captured its essence.
Roy, high praise, indeed. To which I can only say, Thank you, very much.
A sonneteer no less!
You have woven together alliteration, assonance (I especially love “laureled laureate” and “capture rapture’s”) and other poetic elements, with the paradoxical theme of being too tongue-tied to express this love. You have certainly expressed it beautifully; your serenade is not left “unsung”! I think any recipient of this sonnet would melt to read it.
I loved the fleeing words. Some great imagery and deep and sincere feeling in this sonnet.
Thanks for the read, James.
This is a beautifully crafted sonnet, showing very considerable skill in language. There is no gainsaying that.
But I think we should also remember that sometimes even the best can be overdone. When any poetic tool is used too prominently, it can distract the reader from the poem as a whole. I think this is the case in the first quatrain, where the doubled alliteration becomes a bit too cloying (“skill-scribed,” “death-dread,” “bleak-black”). The same is true in the second quatrain (“laureled laureate’s,” “limn-lit”).
Also, I think it is a mistake to place two antique contractions next to each other, as “ne’er e’en” are placed. The poem is already highly artificial (which is fine by me, to be sure), but the last line comes across as almost parodic.
The poem is indeed overdone, and intentionally so. Including the double contraction at the end. Call it playful effusiveness if you like. It was written to be enjoyed the way a painting by Fragonard is to be enjoyed, almost in spite of itself.
I agree with Joseph’s comments to a certain extent. But the poem is also a delight for a reader who’s studied the vast realms of English poetry (particularly sonnets) going back to, say, the Pearl Poet and his alliterative technique.
It is a praise-worthy poem. My favorite line is 10–“Before the one whose love has tied my tongue.” This is another example of alliteration, but also, more subtly, of assonance. The sound of the line is a major part of its attractiveness to me, and James Tweedy is a musician-poet of resourcefulness and imagination, so I’m convinced he knew what he was doing here.
That said, Joseph, who has often praised James unreservedly, has brought up a very interesting point, touching on the judgment and taste of a poet. In what context and to what extent are the techniques he mentions to be used? (To sneak my two-cents-worth in here, I think Joseph’s comments respond to an uncharacteristic profusion of the said techniques on Tweedy’s part.)
I wish regulars on this site with awareness, through formal or informal study, or even raw observation, would comment more frequently on such matters. Joseph, and one or two others, are the only brave contributors in that category
I can look at this poem in two ways: 1.) It is over the top, or 2.) thy cup runneth over. Exaggeration needs not always be a flaw; sometimes it is a necessary mode of poetic articulation.
My first reading of this left me less impressed with the poet’s love than wondering about the color of the lady’s eyes. After Joseph’s comment on the “overdone” quality of the piece, I wonder as well whether James deliberately overdid it. That can be a very effective way of demonstrating that words are ineffective. Most of the excess occurs in the octave, with the volta returning to somewhat plainer speech, though once again introducing excessive alliteration on /s/ in lines 11 and 12. The capstone, though, is what Joseph rightly considers the inadvisable “ne’er e’en” in the last line, audaciously modifying the verb “scribe” which is brought in again from the first offense in the first line. James could have said simply “never” to convey his meaning. But as written, the reader may think “ne’er inscribe” and wonder why the poet thinks of taking his pen to carve his beloved’s eyes. This really becomes parody. The impossibility of truly expressing love is a commonplace theme of love poetry, and especially of sonnet sequences. There’s not much a poet can do to be unique. However, James, I believe you have made a remarkable and successful effort here, creating a work in which some readers feel the inexpressible love, while others see the extremity of language proving the point that love is “Beyond All Words.”
Sometimes an awkward or ill-advised twist of grammar is the very thing that makes a phrase both effective and memorable. For example, “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” If one parses the phrase too critically one could easily conclude that it is both forced and clunky. And yet those are the very characteristics that give the phrase its immortal, devastating bite.
Stringing too many such lines together may indeed approach the level of parody, but, as Margaret, C.B. and others have pointed out, it mayalso serve as a means to an end.
lovely alliteration!!!!
i love that you used the word limn,
it is not often seen these days.