.

If You Ever Break Down

If you ever break down somewhere far from your friends
_And you stick out your thumb for a ride.
Don’t expect that a Beemer or Mercedes-Benz
_Will slow down or pull up alongside.

What you hope you will see is an open-bed truck
_With the logo, Ford F-1-5-0,
For the driver will probably stop for good luck
_And he’ll ask where you want him to go.

An American flag might be somewhere in view
_And some beer in the back will be cold.
He might have a long beard and a tattoo or two
_But his heart will be made out of gold.

He will probably not have a college degree
_But he’ll give you the shirt off his back.
And he’ll do what he can without charging a fee,
_With a jump-charge or loan of his jack.

He might lift up your hood and say, “What do you know!”
_As he checks every line for a leak.
Or he’ll change a flat tire, or he’ll give you a tow
_As he pulls out your car from a creek.

If your engine is hot and your coolant is low
_He’ll have plenty of spare anti-freeze.
And he knows more of what you most need him to know
_Than a man who has four PhDs.

So the moral is this: if you find that you’re stuck,
Hope and pray for a man in an open-bed truck.

.

.

Shifting Gears

Most folks who drive a Tesla are Progressive.
They want to save the world and go in style.
But radicals have now become aggressive,
By targeting their smug, self-righteous smile.

Although its Elon Musk they think they’re keying,
They’re angering each Dem who owns the car.
For blinded by their rage they are not seeing
They’ve taken their insanity too far.

For though Republicans demand each vandal
Be charged as a domestic terrorist,
The Dems whose cars have got a scratched-up handle
Are torn between support and being pissed.

I doubt that this will sway the next election,
But global warming fears have hit a bump.
For as we watch the Left’s self-vivisection,
They’ve turned their hate from climate change to Trump.

The radicals have cost Tesla its aura,
But since their angry muscles have been flexed,
They can’t all simply move to Bora Bora,
So where will EV advocates turn next?

They’ve rearranged their own Titanic deck chairs;
Their own parade is that on which they’ve rained.
For though both Musk and Trump were in their crosshairs,
They’ve lost far more than anything they’ve gained.

.

.

James A. Tweedie is a retired pastor living in Long Beach, Washington. He has written and published six novels, one collection of short stories, and four collections of poetry including Sidekicks, Mostly Sonnets, and Laughing Matters, all with Dunecrest Press. His poems have been published nationally and internationally in both print and online media. He was honored with being chosen as the winner of the 2021 SCP International Poetry Competition.

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10 Responses

  1. Roy Eugene Peterson

    James, these two well-crafted poems have significant meaning and wisdom that crush their targets in satirical splendor while delivering sanity to this mixed-up world. I was amazed by how great these were and how much they ae needed. Thank you for a memorable morning!

    Reply
  2. Julian D. Woodruff

    Both great fun James. The 1st reminds me of the friendly help we received when OUR Mercedes got a flat somewhere around Sparks, NV. The jack was as strange to the fellow helped as it was (but should nothave bee) to us. He figured out just enough of the Ger.an instructions to get the car up and us back on the road. Smart–though for all I know he’d never dealt with German before and would have failed an elementary course in it.

    Reply
  3. James A. Tweedie

    Julian,

    Nice story.

    Where I live, our 27-mile long Pacific Ocean beach is part of the Washington State highway system. In the 15 years I have lived here (1 block from the beach) I have gotten stuck in the sand twice. Both times I have been pulled out by men in open bed trucks. The grateful memory of those men inspired the poem.

    Reply
  4. Alan Steinle

    I like these lines. The jack-of-all-trades and the handyman are becoming rarer and rarer, since learning has become so specialized and products are now mostly made to be replaced rather than to be repaired, to name only two reasons for this phenomenon.

    If your engine is hot and your coolant is low
    He’ll have plenty of spare anti-freeze.
    And he knows more of what you most need him to know
    Than a man who has four PhDs.

    Reply
      • Alan Steinle

        I just turned my phone to landscape mode and realized you wrote the first poem in anapestic meter. Sounds good.

  5. Margaret Coats

    James, I must say I am grateful, on behalf of women in general, for guys in all types of vehicle who stop on the road when gals even appear that they might be having car trouble. Often no more is needed than their superior knowledge, but if it’s tools or muscle, they’re up to it. And with Alan Steinle, I lament the gradual disappearance of handyman knowledge. When I’ve had questions recently, all anyone can do is pull out his phone and do a search for the answer. Still, the ones with the American flag on a truck seem trustworthier.

    But you might be surprised that, in my experience, Teslas very much appeal to men with technical competence in all fields. Whatever their politics, they admire innovation and efficiency and attention to detail in design. The purchase price is too high for the young, but I know quite a few savvy middle-aged and older non-environmentalists who are very much satisfied with a Tesla. I was afraid for them when the scruffy radicals started burning, but even in California, that’s not enough of a thing for me to know of a single instance.

    Glad your perceptive “Shifting Gears” poked at destroyers on both sides of the Tesla steering wheel. And cheers for your praise of pick-up drivers!

    Reply
    • James A. Tweedie

      Margaret,

      I agree that folks of all political stripes appreciate quality, and Tesla certainly fits that bill. My point was irony and I suppose that Trumpers or other non-Dems would also be pissed if their car was keyed! I only have one friend who is a Tesla owner. He has been in AZ for the winter so I haven’t had a chance to ask what his take is on all of this.

      Reply
  6. Gigi Ryan

    Dear James,

    I very much enjoyed “If you Ever Break Down.” I have found it to be the case!
    I once needed a jump start in a Walmart parking lot on a scorching hot day with a cooler full of frozen goods. I looked around and noticed many pick up trucks. I got out of the car and popped the hood and had an endless supply of offers for help. I was on my way in short order.

    Gigi

    Reply

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