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May 12 is National Limerick Day in the United States, corresponding to Limerick-writer Edward Lear’s birthday. Poet James A. Tweedie invites you to share your limerick or limericks in the comments section below. Here are a few from his book Laughing Matters to get you started.

See “How to Write a Limerick” here.

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There once was a woman of Perth
Whose eating expanded her girth.
_Till sooner than later
_Her waistline equator
Took on the same shape as the earth.

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There once was a woman from Seoul
Who went on an afternoon stroll.
_With broad-minded latitude
_And laissez faire attitude
She ended up at the North Pole.

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A jungle explorer named Peter
Came face to face with a man-eater.
_He ran all the way
_To New Delhi that day.
The tiger was fast, but he beat her.

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A man had a pet kangaroo
Whose feet took a size 30 shoe.
_He looked all around
_Till on Ebay he found
Some sneakers his size in Peru.

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A Captain, verbose and pedantic,
While sailing one day became frantic.
_The weather was warm
_But he talked up a storm,
And was blown clear across the Atlantic.

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15 Responses

  1. jd

    There was an old writer named Willy
    Who thought that believers were silly
    He got out his pen
    And misguided ken
    And torched the wrong thing willy-nilly

    I’ve thought long and hard ‘bout his motives
    In fields or housebound with my votives
    His plan all along
    Was to publish his song,
    “The Trash What’s Revered Locomotive”

    Reply
  3. Roy Eugene Peterson

    A clown who once thought he could fling
    His cape and bulls follow the swing.
    Hit the Matador
    And we watched him soar
    Out of the small Spanish bull ring.

    A farm boy whose name was Blake
    A treat he wanted to make.
    He tickled the cow
    And that is how
    He made a tasty milkshake.

    A man was from Lima, Peru,
    Once climbed up on Machu Pichu.
    He searched all around,
    But no gold was found.
    His llama deserted him, too.

    A cowboy took off his red shirt
    For a girl he wanted to flirt.
    A bull saw the flag
    And thought it meant tag.
    He still can’t sit down where it hurt.

    A boater decided to take
    His new boat out on the big lake.
    As he headed for shore
    He was done for.
    He did not know where was the brake.

    Reply
  4. Roy Eugene Peterson

    James, I saw your title, “Laughing Matters.” What a great double entendre!

    Reply
  5. Mark Stellinga

    Poetry Wasn’t Enough

    Remember how Daffodil Finnigan
    Swore she would never begin-again
    Loving a man,
    So she constantly ran
    From men – so’s not to fall-in-again!

    Well… into her life walked a poet,
    Who dug her, and – meaning to show it –
    But easy-to-hate –
    (And weigh over-wait) –
    To bolster his chance to not blow it –

    Plied her with poetry – sending his best –
    Some very poignant – others in jest –
    He wooed her with verse –
    ‘Til she deemed him a curse –
    Then she sued him — for being a pest!

    Reply
    • James A. Tweedie

      Mark, I love the clever rhymes in the first and the “weigh over-wait” in the second. Clever.

      Reply
  6. Roy Eugene Peterson

    A rioter had his own scheme.
    He’d blow up an AT machine.
    He set it to start,
    But it blew him apart.
    And that was the end of his dream.

    In Canada protesters met.
    Over what they seemed to forget.
    The sign the guy had
    Showed why he was mad.
    It read, “I’m a little upset.”

    Some protesters looked to score.
    They looted their own local store.
    They grabbed what they could.
    They thought it was good
    Shopping for school in Baltimore.

    The protester that they did hire,
    Shouted obscene things that were dire.
    He sloshed the gas round
    The flag on the ground,
    But he lit his own pants on fire.

    Reply
  7. Joseph S. Salemi

    We now have a pontiff named Leo —
    And praise comes allegro con brio.
    But if this guy advances
    The causes of Francis
    We’ll all groan and cry “Dio mio!”

    Reply
      • James A. Tweedie

        She sees the Holy See seize the sea’s scene. Or is it the Holy See-Saw? We shall see. (Coincidentally, I have a grandson named Leo. But he’s only the Ist, not the XIVth)

  8. Paul A. Freeman

    My last limerick posted on the SCP didn’t go down too well, so I’ll keep the political ones tame:

    Home Sweet Home Limerick

    A skirting board hole for a mouse;
    a snug human scalp for a louse.
    And snails on the ground
    that wander around?
    The shell on their back is their house.

    Snail Life Limerick

    “My bachelor pad’s living hell,”
    the snail remarked of his shell.
    “It’s cramped and its slimy,
    it’s sweltering, and blimey,
    the worst of it all is the smell.”

    Limerick on a Grecian Urn

    Examine this vase! You’ll get peeks
    of life in the time of the Greeks.
    See love’s age-old battle,
    view sacrificed cattle –
    of Truth and of Beauty it speaks.

    Buying Greenland Limerick 3

    The Greenlanders wolfed down free nosh
    and listened to Junior’s tosh.
    And sweetening the deal
    of red hat and meal,
    is Elon, with oodles of dosh.

    Undone – a Limerick

    One summer I thought it was fun
    to go to the beach for some sun.
    But then I got scared,
    for everyone stared –
    till I noticed my fly was undone.

    Information Sharing Limerick

    The President’s number one fans,
    impose informational bans.
    And yet they seem frantic
    to tell ‘The Atlantic’
    America’s top-secret plans.

    Planet Earth Limerick

    The Earth is a magical place,
    a Goldilocks planet in space.
    Her flora and fauna
    fill every corner,
    despite Man despoiling her face.

    Rory McIlroy Wins at Augusta Limerick

    Eleven long years it had been,
    No win at Augusta was seen;
    And though this golf fogie
    Sank many a bogey,
    His jacket still ended up green.

    The French Disconnection

    All France is upset with the flak
    Trump gives them – they think he’s off track.
    And due to their ire,
    the Frenchies desire
    the Statue of Liberty back.

    Happy National Limerick Day!

    Reply
    • James A. Tweedie

      All clever, Paul. I loved your idiomatic use of “blimey” but liked the undone fly, the “top secret plans” and the French Disconnection best (although I also join in your celebratory nod to McIlroy’s victory at Augusta).

      Reply
  9. Gigi Ryan

    The once was a fella named Tony
    Whose favorite food was bologna.
    He at it at lunch
    And sometimes at brunch
    Until his digestion got moany.

    The once was a kitten name Clyde
    Who lived in a small double wide.
    He ate tuna and rice
    And massacred mice,
    Which he gave to his owner with pride.

    There once was a pink ballerina
    Who danced to a Bach sonatina.
    She fell off the stage –
    Oh, was it her age?
    No, likely that large margarita.

    There once was a toddler named Owen
    Who wasn’t aware he was goin’
    Off to his bed
    To rest his sweet head.
    When he found out a fit he was throwin’.

    There once was a beautiful holler
    A place to on life’s meaning ponder
    But the loggers destroyed
    The peace we enjoyed
    And the holler is quiet no longer.

    Reply
    • James A. Tweedie

      Gigi,

      Hee hee for the pink ballerina and her margarita, and a big “HA!” for rhyming Tony, balogna and moany!

      Reply

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