Edward Lear's "Owl and the Pussycat" (Brooke)National Limerick Day: Post Your Limerick Here The Society May 12, 2025 Limerick, Poetry 79 Comments . May 12 is National Limerick Day in the United States, corresponding to Limerick-writer Edward Lear’s birthday. Poet James A. Tweedie invites you to share your limerick or limericks in the comments section below. Here are a few from his book Laughing Matters to get you started. See “How to Write a Limerick” here. . There once was a woman of PerthWhose eating expanded her girth._Till sooner than later_Her waistline equatorTook on the same shape as the earth. . There once was a woman from SeoulWho went on an afternoon stroll._With broad-minded latitude_And laissez faire attitudeShe ended up at the North Pole. . A jungle explorer named PeterCame face to face with a man-eater._He ran all the way_To New Delhi that day.The tiger was fast, but he beat her. . A man had a pet kangarooWhose feet took a size 30 shoe._He looked all around_Till on Ebay he foundSome sneakers his size in Peru. . A Captain, verbose and pedantic,While sailing one day became frantic._The weather was warm_But he talked up a storm,And was blown clear across the Atlantic. . NOTE TO READERS: If you enjoyed this poem or other content, please consider making a donation to the Society of Classical Poets. The Society of Classical Poets does not endorse any views expressed in individual poems or commentary. ***Read Our Comments Policy Here*** 79 Responses jd May 12, 2025 There was an old writer named Willy Who thought that believers were silly He got out his pen And misguided ken And torched the wrong thing willy-nilly I’ve thought long and hard ‘bout his motives In fields or housebound with my votives His plan all along Was to publish his song, “The Trash What’s Revered Locomotive” Reply James A. Tweedie May 12, 2025 J.D. Thanks for being brave enough to jump in with the first limericks! Willy nilly or not, I’d love to here a recording of the Rev’s song! lol Reply Krikmöklet Egelanaard May 12, 2025 There once was a harlequin puppet Who spent all his days in a bucket Till he fastened his bells And chanted some spells Now performs in a club in Nantucket Reply James A. Tweedie May 12, 2025 Krik, I don’t think I even know how to spell the word “harliquin” (or “harlaquin” or whatever.). Thanks for the limerick and the correct spelling (I think . . . I need to look it up to be sure . . .” Reply Roy Eugene Peterson May 12, 2025 A clown who once thought he could fling His cape and bulls follow the swing. Hit the Matador And we watched him soar Out of the small Spanish bull ring. A farm boy whose name was Blake A treat he wanted to make. He tickled the cow And that is how He made a tasty milkshake. A man was from Lima, Peru, Once climbed up on Machu Pichu. He searched all around, But no gold was found. His llama deserted him, too. A cowboy took off his red shirt For a girl he wanted to flirt. A bull saw the flag And thought it meant tag. He still can’t sit down where it hurt. A boater decided to take His new boat out on the big lake. As he headed for shore He was done for. He did not know where was the brake. Reply Roy Eugene Peterson May 12, 2025 James, I saw your title, “Laughing Matters.” What a great double entendre! Reply James A. Tweedie May 12, 2025 Thanks, Roy. It is, indeed, what it is. Reply Mark Stellinga May 12, 2025 Poetry Wasn’t Enough Remember how Daffodil Finnigan Swore she would never begin-again Loving a man, So she constantly ran From men – so’s not to fall-in-again! Well… into her life walked a poet, Who dug her, and – meaning to show it – But easy-to-hate – (And weigh over-wait) – To bolster his chance to not blow it – Plied her with poetry – sending his best – Some very poignant – others in jest – He wooed her with verse – ‘Til she deemed him a curse – Then she sued him — for being a pest! Reply James A. Tweedie May 12, 2025 Mark, I love the clever rhymes in the first and the “weigh over-wait” in the second. Clever. Reply Roy Eugene Peterson May 12, 2025 A rioter had his own scheme. He’d blow up an AT machine. He set it to start, But it blew him apart. And that was the end of his dream. In Canada protesters met. Over what they seemed to forget. The sign the guy had Showed why he was mad. It read, “I’m a little upset.” Some protesters looked to score. They looted their own local store. They grabbed what they could. They thought it was good Shopping for school in Baltimore. The protester that they did hire, Shouted obscene things that were dire. He sloshed the gas round The flag on the ground, But he lit his own pants on fire. Reply James A. Tweedie May 12, 2025 Roy, Both funny and sad re your reference to “Shopping for school in Baltimore,” seeing as the reading and math scores in both their elementary and high schools are among the lowest in the nation. From a recent article, “. . . ninety-three percent of children third through eighth grade tested below grade level in math and of the 150 schools in the city, 23 did not have a single student who tested at grade level in math.” Reply Roy Eugene Peterson May 12, 2025 Wow! I had no idea! Joseph S. Salemi May 12, 2025 We now have a pontiff named Leo — And praise comes allegro con brio. But if this guy advances The causes of Francis We’ll all groan and cry “Dio mio!” Reply Roy Eugene Peterson May 12, 2025 I really love your truth in a nutshell! Reply James A. Tweedie May 12, 2025 She sees the Holy See seize the sea’s scene. Or is it the Holy See-Saw? We shall see. (Coincidentally, I have a grandson named Leo. But he’s only the Ist, not the XIVth) jd May 13, 2025 I couldn’t agree with you more, But let’s wait and see what’s in store. With the help of God’s grace, Multiple prayers embraced, He could find and promote what he didn’t before. Reply Paul A. Freeman May 12, 2025 My last limerick posted on the SCP didn’t go down too well, so I’ll keep the political ones tame: Home Sweet Home Limerick A skirting board hole for a mouse; a snug human scalp for a louse. And snails on the ground that wander around? The shell on their back is their house. Snail Life Limerick “My bachelor pad’s living hell,” the snail remarked of his shell. “It’s cramped and its slimy, it’s sweltering, and blimey, the worst of it all is the smell.” Limerick on a Grecian Urn Examine this vase! You’ll get peeks of life in the time of the Greeks. See love’s age-old battle, view sacrificed cattle – of Truth and of Beauty it speaks. Buying Greenland Limerick 3 The Greenlanders wolfed down free nosh and listened to Junior’s tosh. And sweetening the deal of red hat and meal, is Elon, with oodles of dosh. Undone – a Limerick One summer I thought it was fun to go to the beach for some sun. But then I got scared, for everyone stared – till I noticed my fly was undone. Information Sharing Limerick The President’s number one fans, impose informational bans. And yet they seem frantic to tell ‘The Atlantic’ America’s top-secret plans. Planet Earth Limerick The Earth is a magical place, a Goldilocks planet in space. Her flora and fauna fill every corner, despite Man despoiling her face. Rory McIlroy Wins at Augusta Limerick Eleven long years it had been, No win at Augusta was seen; And though this golf fogie Sank many a bogey, His jacket still ended up green. The French Disconnection All France is upset with the flak Trump gives them – they think he’s off track. And due to their ire, the Frenchies desire the Statue of Liberty back. Happy National Limerick Day! Reply James A. Tweedie May 12, 2025 All clever, Paul. I loved your idiomatic use of “blimey” but liked the undone fly, the “top secret plans” and the French Disconnection best (although I also join in your celebratory nod to McIlroy’s victory at Augusta). Reply Gigi Ryan May 12, 2025 The once was a fella named Tony Whose favorite food was bologna. He at it at lunch And sometimes at brunch Until his digestion got moany. The once was a kitten name Clyde Who lived in a small double wide. He ate tuna and rice And massacred mice, Which he gave to his owner with pride. There once was a pink ballerina Who danced to a Bach sonatina. She fell off the stage – Oh, was it her age? No, likely that large margarita. There once was a toddler named Owen Who wasn’t aware he was goin’ Off to his bed To rest his sweet head. When he found out a fit he was throwin’. There once was a beautiful holler A place to on life’s meaning ponder But the loggers destroyed The peace we enjoyed And the holler is quiet no longer. Reply James A. Tweedie May 12, 2025 Gigi, Hee hee for the pink ballerina and her margarita, and a big “HA!” for rhyming Tony, balogna and moany! Reply Roy Eugene Peterson May 12, 2025 WASTE WATER LIMERICK I’ve seen the cost of water soar. The toilet wastes water galore. So, where I now pee In my yard it’s free. And now I don’t waste anymore. ROSIE O’GADY The thing about Rosie O’Grady, She was not much of a lady. She beat the boys up With her drinking cup And laid them to rest where it’s shady. ERIN GO-BRA-LESS I married a nice girl named Bess. She once was my wife, I confess. While water skiing Her bra went fleeing We called her, Erin Go-Bra-Less. Poet Note True story with wife’s name changed. My wife was mostly Irish. Play on words of “Erin go Bragh” meaning “allegiance to Ireland,” CORN ON THE COB The corn on the cob was so dear, Though something about it was queer. Seems he couldn’t cut Through all of the smut So, he threw it out on its ear. CHAGRINED The man who was standing upwind Became just a little chagrined. He yelled in good grace, As wind slapped his face, “The time has now come to break wind.” CHRISTMAS PARTY The party was going too slow. A girl I wanted to know. It was Christmas time And she looked divine. I kissed her neath the mistletoe. THE CARNIE A con Carnie from a carnival Headed for Cape Canaveral. He conned him a ride When he hid inside. He died from the capsule spiral. Reply James A. Tweedie May 12, 2025 Roy, Groan. Groan. And more groans. Wonderful groans with ears flying and wind breaking and Erin go bra-lesses all over the place. My only other thoughts involve imagining all the spots of dead grass in your backyard and thinking that you are, in fact, wasting your waste when there are actual ways to convert urea into fertilizer! Which reminds me of Thomas Crapper, the inventor of the modern toilet and his wonderfully short biography with the Roy-ish title, “Flushed with Pride.” (All true). Reply Roy Eugene Peterson May 12, 2025 Ha, ha! My turn to laugh. Thank you for the groans and for who invented the modern toilet! I should stop “wasting my waste” and make it productive. And yes, it is a fenced backyard! I aim for the weeds. Angel L. Villanueva May 12, 2025 There once was a fellow named Clair Who gave his beloved a scare. But she didn’t know He’d meant not to show His face but the mask from the fair. Reply James A. Tweedie May 13, 2025 Angel, That would creep me out, too! Lol. Funnee! Reply Adam Sedia May 13, 2025 There once was an old man of Split Whose wife’s cooking lacked quite a bit: She’d scoop out the toilet Then season and boil it. He thought her food tasted like shit. Reply James A. Tweedie May 13, 2025 Adam, I never dreamed you had this in you. Of course there’s no pun intended. Reply Paul A. Freeman May 13, 2025 …and one fresh off the press: Emoluments Clause Limerick “An airplane’s a beautiful gift,” Said Trump, “and it fills Boeing’s rift. So do not suggest, As Qatar’s famed guest, I shouldn’t indulge in some grift.” Reply James A. Tweedie May 13, 2025 They’re getting better! Reply Jeff Eardley May 13, 2025 A Lancashire lad, Oswald Twistle, Once sat, in the nude, on a thistle. As he lifted his hips, So he pursed both his lips. ‘‘Twas the one thing that made Oswald whistle. Reply James A. Tweedie May 13, 2025 And better! (Ouch!) Reply Krikmöklet Egelanaard May 13, 2025 Ha ha! Fabulous! Reply Mike Bryant May 13, 2025 Some Muppets eat all of the hoaxes The Media lies, spins and coaxes. Ya gotta just bless ‘em It’s no good to press ‘em The poor little Fools are just jokeses! Really, ya gotta at least listen to the other side… https://www.whitehouse.gov/articles/2025/04/100-days-of-hoaxes-cutting-through-the-fake-news/ The truth… if anyone cares… Boeing is so screwed over by liberal DEI crap that they are late with the delivery of the new Air Force One. The gov’t to gov’t gift will be transferred to Trump’s Presidential Library. It’s all business as usual. Reply Joseph S. Salemi May 13, 2025 If a major aircraft company like Boeing can’t deliver a plane on time because of some goddamed anti-white DEI policies, we really are going to be screwed in the next war. Reply James A. Tweedie May 13, 2025 The silly part is that the Saudi plane is ann old refitted Boeing 747 with few of the security requirements of AF1. It’s sort of like kissing your gorgeous, sexy, beautiful sister. Not really a starter. As POTUS, Trump will never fly in it. A clever PR stunt for the Saudis to unload something they don’t want, need, or use anymore. Good limerick, though! Reply James A. Tweedie May 13, 2025 By the way, the gift offer is from Qatar. Paul Freeman May 13, 2025 I’m sure the library will make good use of the plane. By the way, is Saudi also donating a library aircraft. Every other news outlet says Qatar is the favour-seeking culprit. Feel free to moderate. Reply Jeff Eardley May 13, 2025 This is pure English filth, so if you are of a sensitive disposition, look away now, or feel free to forward to a Mr. P. Diddy!!! There was a young fellow from Kent, Whose **** was exceedingly bent. To save him some trouble, He put in in double, But instead of coming, he went! Reply Joseph S. Salemi May 13, 2025 Here’s another one about anatomical anomalies: There is a young lady named Moss, Whose vagina is three feet across. It’s the best part of valor To bugger the gal or One’s apt to fall in and get lost. Reply James A. Tweedie May 13, 2025 “Rhyming” and “Rhythmic” for sure, and even “Rapturous” (in one sense of the word), although “Ribald” and “Risqué” would also well serve to describe these two Dickensonian utterances… Joseph S. Salemi May 13, 2025 We need more ribald stuff. This place has a tendency to become pietistic and middle-class without it. Mike Bryant May 13, 2025 There was a young man from Dundee; Who buggered an ape in a tree. The results were quite horrid: All arse and no forehead, Three balls and a purple goatee. ~Algernon Charles Swinburne (1837-1909) Reply Mike Bryant May 13, 2025 The limerick packs laughs anatomical Into space that is quite economical. But the good ones I’ve seen So seldom are clean And the clean ones so seldom are comical. ~Anon Reply Jeff Eardley May 13, 2025 Love this Mike, well done. Reply Mike Bryant May 13, 2025 I wish I had written it, Jeff! Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant May 13, 2025 At afternoon tea at The Ritz The waitress flashed pics of her tits – All perky and pretty They twittered a ditty – Two ornithological hits! Reply James A. Tweedie May 13, 2025 Susan, If there were a prize for this thread, you might win it for fitting “ornithological” into your limerick. Whether any of the rest of it would qualify for a prize I will defer to the in-discretion of Mike, Joe, and Jeff! Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant May 14, 2025 James, your wit has made me titter, but surely only those with a pure love of British tits of the feathered variety would be the only true judges of this ornithophile’s limerick. Joseph S. Salemi May 14, 2025 Susan’s limerick would definitely take the prize. I’ve always been in favor of British tits. Mike Bryant May 14, 2025 Me too! Roy Eugene Peterson May 14, 2025 Now I know why British slang for a pretty girl or woman is “bird.” Roy Eugene Peterson May 13, 2025 Although I have a personal aversion to shady material, here is one I remember from “Playboy” in the 1960’s that seems to fit right in with some of the hilarious limericks that have been added: A lesbian once from Khartoum Asked a queer to come up to her room. They spent the whole night In a heck of a fight As to who should do what and to whom. Reply Roy Eugene Peterson May 13, 2025 I thought we needed some Irish limericks, so here are three of them: LEPECHUAN SEAN LOST HIS GOLD Leprechuan Sean in days of old Got a little drunk and too bold. Kissed a girl in the pub And there is the rub. That’s how he lost all of his gold. LEPRECHUAN SEAN GOT CAUGHT Leprechuan Sean’s last name was Shamus He loved Irish beer that was famous. He stole from the pier Every keg of beer. We caught him and no one could blame us. LEPRECHUAN SEAN HID HIS GOLD Leprechuan Sean hid gold in his socks. He hung them in grandfather clocks. He painted some stones In bright golden tones. He called his fakes simply sham-rocks. Reply Roy Eugene Peterson May 13, 2025 And finally, here are my original Halloween limericks: BELLADONER The witches that shared a black coven Baked a meatloaf in their hot oven. They all were a gonner. Too much belladonner They died eating what they were lovin’. BURNED A witch who was burning in Salem, Said some night I’ll be back and haunt em. She never returned, Because she was burned. Her spirit could not even taunt them. RECIPE The witches were making a pot From a recipe somebody got. They stirred the green goo Like witches do, But it tasted like butterfly snot. HAVING A BLAST The witches and their helping cast Stirred the kettle a little too fast. While the witches sang, The kettle went bang. You could say they were having a blast. GORILLA GLUE A witch who was named Lucy Lou. Used to gossip while making her brew. Then one witchey night, Her lips were sealed tight. They had thrown in Gorilla glue. Reply Maria May 13, 2025 There once was a girl from Inverness Who was sharp and a wizard at chess, She beat all the girls But with the fellas she failed Because her strategies failed to impress. There once was a mischievous muse Who both wished to impress and amuse, Her rhymes were divine Her meter sublime But really her limericks were nothing but lewd. There was a young girl from France Who gave the school bus a pass, She thought school a curse That would maim and oppress So now she’s at home reading Marx. Reply Maria May 14, 2025 Or There once was a mischievous muse Who loved to vex, not amuse Her meter was heavy Her rhymes were unsteady But her limericks were deliciously rude. There once was a young wife from France Who was truly bored with her tasks, She took refuge in dreams And sinister tweets, So now she’s been handcuffed and charged. There once was a girl from Africa Who worked as a school janitor She thought school a curse A prison to maim and oppress So now she’s at home with sciatica. Reply James A. Tweedie May 14, 2025 Since Maria broached the subject of Inverness, I feel inspired to dredge up another (kindred) limerick from my aforementioned book, An author, a fair Inverness miss, Wrote prose in a pub drinking Guinness. After three or four drafts She blamed all her gaffes On her fictional amanuensis Reply Maria May 14, 2025 If writing in a pub drinking Guinness is the way to become an author, I think I’ll start tomorrow. Or perhaps I’ll sit in the garden with a Guinness. Have to finish that book I started ten years ago somehow… Roy Eugene Peterson May 14, 2025 Here is one of mine for Thanksgiving: THE TURKEY SAID MOO I found my tom turkey inside Of the barn where he tried to hide. I asked is that you? My turkey said moo. I cut off his head ’cause he lied. Reply Maria May 14, 2025 This one’s hilarious. I don’t think I will be able to see Turkey in the same way ever again. Moo Reply Roy Eugene Peterson May 14, 2025 Bless you, Maria! I greatly appreciate your comment. Paul Freeman May 14, 2025 Not mine, but about the funniest limerick I know: From the crypt of the church of St. Giles, Came a scream that resounded for miles. Said the vicar, “Good gracious, Does Father Ignacious, Not know that the Bishop has piles.” Reply Joseph S. Salemi May 14, 2025 That particular limerick is well known in High Anglican and Catholic circles. I have heard it in a slightly different form: From the depths of the crypt in St. Giles Came a scream that resounded for miles. Said the vicar “Good gracious! Has Father Ignatius Forgotten the Bishop has piles!” Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant May 14, 2025 The cockiest Scot in Dundee Wore a kilt a foot up from his knee In a tartan so sparse It revealed half his arse – For his fine, furry sporran – praise be! Reply James A. Tweedie May 15, 2025 Back in the day when my wife and I were living in Edinburgh, a man we knew (with de rigueur bandy legs) wore a kilt everywhere, all the time. One day he asked us if we knew the sign of an early spring? When we answered, “No,” he said, ”Tood be wen a Scotsman sits on a thistle!” Reply Paul A. Freeman May 14, 2025 Scotland seems to be featuring large! A well-endowed jogger from Leith, Wore a T-shirt with nowt underneath; With both bosoms freed, A quick burst of speed Broke her nose and knocked out her front teeth. Reply Paul A. Freeman May 14, 2025 And more topically: Qatari Gift Limerick Republicans said in the past, “Corruption has left us aghast.” Now focussed on gain, With gifts like a plane The swamp’s filling up mighty fast. Reply Joseph S. Salemi May 14, 2025 Poor Freeman — he’s just so upset The American clock’s been re-set. It makes his life dreary. But what leaves him teary Is the fact that Trump’s gotten a jet. Our Trump’s cleaning up the whole world. The American flag is unfurled. He’s ending all farces And kicking Dem arses, And Freeman is foetally curled. If you’re stuck in a Third World lagoon It’s natural to pout and to swoon. But America’s happy — We’re free of a crappy Demented and addled buffoon. And if you don’t like what Trump’s doing Go ahead with your shouting and booing. We don’t give two humps If you’re down in the dumps. We like to see jerks like you stewing. Reply Paul A. Freeman May 15, 2025 Responding to satire with personal insults is rather pathetic, but feel free. I saw the erosion of democracy in Zimbabwe under the Mugabe regime, and day by day am seeing the same happen in America. Calling it out is better than being silent, closing your eyes or excusing it. Joseph S. Salemi May 15, 2025 Did I say that you should stop your “shouting and booing”? Go right ahead with it if you like. But don’t expect not to get hit hard when you (as a foreigner) attack the overwhelming choice of the American people. MAGA forever. Mike Bryant May 15, 2025 Hey Joe, interesting very short video about the plane gift… https://choiceclips.whatfinger.com/2025/05/15/senator-mark-mullin-responds-to-a-reporter-about-the-plane-gifted-to-the-united-states-%f0%9f%a4%a3/ Paul A. Freeman May 17, 2025 Hey, Joe, another interesting limerick about Boeing, following the Starliner debacle and the Alaska Airlines doorplug blowout. Boeing Gets F-47 Deal At Boeing, the CEO twerks on landing some aerospace perks. The F-47 has left him in heaven – let’s hope the ejector seat works. I love how you jump to the defence of Americans commenting the UK in their poetry and comments, but the reverse gets has you booing and shouting. Joseph S. Salemi May 17, 2025 You’re the one who is booing and shouting. I have never said that anyone has to censor themselves in what they say politically here. What I say is this: If you’re going to attack my country and my President, go ahead and do so. But expect to get kicked back hard in the teeth. That’s something totally different from censorship. I notice that left-liberals feel they have the right to say whatever they like about their enemies, but when their enemies return a rhetorical broadside they get all defensive and weepy and butt-hurt, and start whining about “victimhood.” You can’t have it both ways. If you you attack us, we’ll hit you right back twice as hard. The old-fashioned, polite, tea-and-crumpets conservative who never raised his voice in anger is gone forever. Get used to getting your ass kicked. MAGA forever. Maria May 15, 2025 There once was a lass from Monrose as fair and fresh as a rose but her friends were jealous and so her life was hellish So now she lives in New Jersey. Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant May 15, 2025 Hugh Boodle had two labradoodles Refusing the oodles of noodles He served them for dinner – Their patience grew thinner – Hugh knew they preferred apple strudels. A trouser-less tramp rode a donkey One Chinese New Year of the Monkey. His offspring were bums With opposable thumbs, A bray and front teeth that were wonky. Reply Maria May 15, 2025 I’ve got to say from the two, apple strudel is my favourite. Not only is it a super limerick it is quite a tongue twister worthy of Peter Piper fame. And Hugh Knew! Reply James A. Tweedie May 15, 2025 For Paul and Joe: Some say he’s God-blessed, or he’s cursed. The best that we’ve had or the worst. “Make America Great Again;” both Church and State. He’s the POTUS, Pope Donald the 1st. Reply Peter Venable May 16, 2025 Sagacity Rebuked He thought his poems buoyant and zephyrous. The editor’s note was obstreperous: “Your zealous hyperbole, Disportionality, Has made your consistency leprous.” Reply Mike Bryant May 16, 2025 Mae prayed for a soulful of hope. She was blessed with a Pope-on-a-Rope To cleanse away sin Beginning within – Now Mae has a hole full of soap. Reply Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting. Δ This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
jd May 12, 2025 There was an old writer named Willy Who thought that believers were silly He got out his pen And misguided ken And torched the wrong thing willy-nilly I’ve thought long and hard ‘bout his motives In fields or housebound with my votives His plan all along Was to publish his song, “The Trash What’s Revered Locomotive” Reply
James A. Tweedie May 12, 2025 J.D. Thanks for being brave enough to jump in with the first limericks! Willy nilly or not, I’d love to here a recording of the Rev’s song! lol Reply
Krikmöklet Egelanaard May 12, 2025 There once was a harlequin puppet Who spent all his days in a bucket Till he fastened his bells And chanted some spells Now performs in a club in Nantucket Reply
James A. Tweedie May 12, 2025 Krik, I don’t think I even know how to spell the word “harliquin” (or “harlaquin” or whatever.). Thanks for the limerick and the correct spelling (I think . . . I need to look it up to be sure . . .” Reply
Roy Eugene Peterson May 12, 2025 A clown who once thought he could fling His cape and bulls follow the swing. Hit the Matador And we watched him soar Out of the small Spanish bull ring. A farm boy whose name was Blake A treat he wanted to make. He tickled the cow And that is how He made a tasty milkshake. A man was from Lima, Peru, Once climbed up on Machu Pichu. He searched all around, But no gold was found. His llama deserted him, too. A cowboy took off his red shirt For a girl he wanted to flirt. A bull saw the flag And thought it meant tag. He still can’t sit down where it hurt. A boater decided to take His new boat out on the big lake. As he headed for shore He was done for. He did not know where was the brake. Reply
Roy Eugene Peterson May 12, 2025 James, I saw your title, “Laughing Matters.” What a great double entendre! Reply
Mark Stellinga May 12, 2025 Poetry Wasn’t Enough Remember how Daffodil Finnigan Swore she would never begin-again Loving a man, So she constantly ran From men – so’s not to fall-in-again! Well… into her life walked a poet, Who dug her, and – meaning to show it – But easy-to-hate – (And weigh over-wait) – To bolster his chance to not blow it – Plied her with poetry – sending his best – Some very poignant – others in jest – He wooed her with verse – ‘Til she deemed him a curse – Then she sued him — for being a pest! Reply
James A. Tweedie May 12, 2025 Mark, I love the clever rhymes in the first and the “weigh over-wait” in the second. Clever. Reply
Roy Eugene Peterson May 12, 2025 A rioter had his own scheme. He’d blow up an AT machine. He set it to start, But it blew him apart. And that was the end of his dream. In Canada protesters met. Over what they seemed to forget. The sign the guy had Showed why he was mad. It read, “I’m a little upset.” Some protesters looked to score. They looted their own local store. They grabbed what they could. They thought it was good Shopping for school in Baltimore. The protester that they did hire, Shouted obscene things that were dire. He sloshed the gas round The flag on the ground, But he lit his own pants on fire. Reply
James A. Tweedie May 12, 2025 Roy, Both funny and sad re your reference to “Shopping for school in Baltimore,” seeing as the reading and math scores in both their elementary and high schools are among the lowest in the nation. From a recent article, “. . . ninety-three percent of children third through eighth grade tested below grade level in math and of the 150 schools in the city, 23 did not have a single student who tested at grade level in math.” Reply
Joseph S. Salemi May 12, 2025 We now have a pontiff named Leo — And praise comes allegro con brio. But if this guy advances The causes of Francis We’ll all groan and cry “Dio mio!” Reply
James A. Tweedie May 12, 2025 She sees the Holy See seize the sea’s scene. Or is it the Holy See-Saw? We shall see. (Coincidentally, I have a grandson named Leo. But he’s only the Ist, not the XIVth)
jd May 13, 2025 I couldn’t agree with you more, But let’s wait and see what’s in store. With the help of God’s grace, Multiple prayers embraced, He could find and promote what he didn’t before. Reply
Paul A. Freeman May 12, 2025 My last limerick posted on the SCP didn’t go down too well, so I’ll keep the political ones tame: Home Sweet Home Limerick A skirting board hole for a mouse; a snug human scalp for a louse. And snails on the ground that wander around? The shell on their back is their house. Snail Life Limerick “My bachelor pad’s living hell,” the snail remarked of his shell. “It’s cramped and its slimy, it’s sweltering, and blimey, the worst of it all is the smell.” Limerick on a Grecian Urn Examine this vase! You’ll get peeks of life in the time of the Greeks. See love’s age-old battle, view sacrificed cattle – of Truth and of Beauty it speaks. Buying Greenland Limerick 3 The Greenlanders wolfed down free nosh and listened to Junior’s tosh. And sweetening the deal of red hat and meal, is Elon, with oodles of dosh. Undone – a Limerick One summer I thought it was fun to go to the beach for some sun. But then I got scared, for everyone stared – till I noticed my fly was undone. Information Sharing Limerick The President’s number one fans, impose informational bans. And yet they seem frantic to tell ‘The Atlantic’ America’s top-secret plans. Planet Earth Limerick The Earth is a magical place, a Goldilocks planet in space. Her flora and fauna fill every corner, despite Man despoiling her face. Rory McIlroy Wins at Augusta Limerick Eleven long years it had been, No win at Augusta was seen; And though this golf fogie Sank many a bogey, His jacket still ended up green. The French Disconnection All France is upset with the flak Trump gives them – they think he’s off track. And due to their ire, the Frenchies desire the Statue of Liberty back. Happy National Limerick Day! Reply
James A. Tweedie May 12, 2025 All clever, Paul. I loved your idiomatic use of “blimey” but liked the undone fly, the “top secret plans” and the French Disconnection best (although I also join in your celebratory nod to McIlroy’s victory at Augusta). Reply
Gigi Ryan May 12, 2025 The once was a fella named Tony Whose favorite food was bologna. He at it at lunch And sometimes at brunch Until his digestion got moany. The once was a kitten name Clyde Who lived in a small double wide. He ate tuna and rice And massacred mice, Which he gave to his owner with pride. There once was a pink ballerina Who danced to a Bach sonatina. She fell off the stage – Oh, was it her age? No, likely that large margarita. There once was a toddler named Owen Who wasn’t aware he was goin’ Off to his bed To rest his sweet head. When he found out a fit he was throwin’. There once was a beautiful holler A place to on life’s meaning ponder But the loggers destroyed The peace we enjoyed And the holler is quiet no longer. Reply
James A. Tweedie May 12, 2025 Gigi, Hee hee for the pink ballerina and her margarita, and a big “HA!” for rhyming Tony, balogna and moany! Reply
Roy Eugene Peterson May 12, 2025 WASTE WATER LIMERICK I’ve seen the cost of water soar. The toilet wastes water galore. So, where I now pee In my yard it’s free. And now I don’t waste anymore. ROSIE O’GADY The thing about Rosie O’Grady, She was not much of a lady. She beat the boys up With her drinking cup And laid them to rest where it’s shady. ERIN GO-BRA-LESS I married a nice girl named Bess. She once was my wife, I confess. While water skiing Her bra went fleeing We called her, Erin Go-Bra-Less. Poet Note True story with wife’s name changed. My wife was mostly Irish. Play on words of “Erin go Bragh” meaning “allegiance to Ireland,” CORN ON THE COB The corn on the cob was so dear, Though something about it was queer. Seems he couldn’t cut Through all of the smut So, he threw it out on its ear. CHAGRINED The man who was standing upwind Became just a little chagrined. He yelled in good grace, As wind slapped his face, “The time has now come to break wind.” CHRISTMAS PARTY The party was going too slow. A girl I wanted to know. It was Christmas time And she looked divine. I kissed her neath the mistletoe. THE CARNIE A con Carnie from a carnival Headed for Cape Canaveral. He conned him a ride When he hid inside. He died from the capsule spiral. Reply
James A. Tweedie May 12, 2025 Roy, Groan. Groan. And more groans. Wonderful groans with ears flying and wind breaking and Erin go bra-lesses all over the place. My only other thoughts involve imagining all the spots of dead grass in your backyard and thinking that you are, in fact, wasting your waste when there are actual ways to convert urea into fertilizer! Which reminds me of Thomas Crapper, the inventor of the modern toilet and his wonderfully short biography with the Roy-ish title, “Flushed with Pride.” (All true). Reply
Roy Eugene Peterson May 12, 2025 Ha, ha! My turn to laugh. Thank you for the groans and for who invented the modern toilet! I should stop “wasting my waste” and make it productive. And yes, it is a fenced backyard! I aim for the weeds.
Angel L. Villanueva May 12, 2025 There once was a fellow named Clair Who gave his beloved a scare. But she didn’t know He’d meant not to show His face but the mask from the fair. Reply
Adam Sedia May 13, 2025 There once was an old man of Split Whose wife’s cooking lacked quite a bit: She’d scoop out the toilet Then season and boil it. He thought her food tasted like shit. Reply
James A. Tweedie May 13, 2025 Adam, I never dreamed you had this in you. Of course there’s no pun intended. Reply
Paul A. Freeman May 13, 2025 …and one fresh off the press: Emoluments Clause Limerick “An airplane’s a beautiful gift,” Said Trump, “and it fills Boeing’s rift. So do not suggest, As Qatar’s famed guest, I shouldn’t indulge in some grift.” Reply
Jeff Eardley May 13, 2025 A Lancashire lad, Oswald Twistle, Once sat, in the nude, on a thistle. As he lifted his hips, So he pursed both his lips. ‘‘Twas the one thing that made Oswald whistle. Reply
Mike Bryant May 13, 2025 Some Muppets eat all of the hoaxes The Media lies, spins and coaxes. Ya gotta just bless ‘em It’s no good to press ‘em The poor little Fools are just jokeses! Really, ya gotta at least listen to the other side… https://www.whitehouse.gov/articles/2025/04/100-days-of-hoaxes-cutting-through-the-fake-news/ The truth… if anyone cares… Boeing is so screwed over by liberal DEI crap that they are late with the delivery of the new Air Force One. The gov’t to gov’t gift will be transferred to Trump’s Presidential Library. It’s all business as usual. Reply
Joseph S. Salemi May 13, 2025 If a major aircraft company like Boeing can’t deliver a plane on time because of some goddamed anti-white DEI policies, we really are going to be screwed in the next war. Reply
James A. Tweedie May 13, 2025 The silly part is that the Saudi plane is ann old refitted Boeing 747 with few of the security requirements of AF1. It’s sort of like kissing your gorgeous, sexy, beautiful sister. Not really a starter. As POTUS, Trump will never fly in it. A clever PR stunt for the Saudis to unload something they don’t want, need, or use anymore. Good limerick, though! Reply
Paul Freeman May 13, 2025 I’m sure the library will make good use of the plane. By the way, is Saudi also donating a library aircraft. Every other news outlet says Qatar is the favour-seeking culprit. Feel free to moderate. Reply
Jeff Eardley May 13, 2025 This is pure English filth, so if you are of a sensitive disposition, look away now, or feel free to forward to a Mr. P. Diddy!!! There was a young fellow from Kent, Whose **** was exceedingly bent. To save him some trouble, He put in in double, But instead of coming, he went! Reply
Joseph S. Salemi May 13, 2025 Here’s another one about anatomical anomalies: There is a young lady named Moss, Whose vagina is three feet across. It’s the best part of valor To bugger the gal or One’s apt to fall in and get lost. Reply
James A. Tweedie May 13, 2025 “Rhyming” and “Rhythmic” for sure, and even “Rapturous” (in one sense of the word), although “Ribald” and “Risqué” would also well serve to describe these two Dickensonian utterances…
Joseph S. Salemi May 13, 2025 We need more ribald stuff. This place has a tendency to become pietistic and middle-class without it.
Mike Bryant May 13, 2025 There was a young man from Dundee; Who buggered an ape in a tree. The results were quite horrid: All arse and no forehead, Three balls and a purple goatee. ~Algernon Charles Swinburne (1837-1909) Reply
Mike Bryant May 13, 2025 The limerick packs laughs anatomical Into space that is quite economical. But the good ones I’ve seen So seldom are clean And the clean ones so seldom are comical. ~Anon Reply
Susan Jarvis Bryant May 13, 2025 At afternoon tea at The Ritz The waitress flashed pics of her tits – All perky and pretty They twittered a ditty – Two ornithological hits! Reply
James A. Tweedie May 13, 2025 Susan, If there were a prize for this thread, you might win it for fitting “ornithological” into your limerick. Whether any of the rest of it would qualify for a prize I will defer to the in-discretion of Mike, Joe, and Jeff! Reply
Susan Jarvis Bryant May 14, 2025 James, your wit has made me titter, but surely only those with a pure love of British tits of the feathered variety would be the only true judges of this ornithophile’s limerick.
Joseph S. Salemi May 14, 2025 Susan’s limerick would definitely take the prize. I’ve always been in favor of British tits.
Roy Eugene Peterson May 13, 2025 Although I have a personal aversion to shady material, here is one I remember from “Playboy” in the 1960’s that seems to fit right in with some of the hilarious limericks that have been added: A lesbian once from Khartoum Asked a queer to come up to her room. They spent the whole night In a heck of a fight As to who should do what and to whom. Reply
Roy Eugene Peterson May 13, 2025 I thought we needed some Irish limericks, so here are three of them: LEPECHUAN SEAN LOST HIS GOLD Leprechuan Sean in days of old Got a little drunk and too bold. Kissed a girl in the pub And there is the rub. That’s how he lost all of his gold. LEPRECHUAN SEAN GOT CAUGHT Leprechuan Sean’s last name was Shamus He loved Irish beer that was famous. He stole from the pier Every keg of beer. We caught him and no one could blame us. LEPRECHUAN SEAN HID HIS GOLD Leprechuan Sean hid gold in his socks. He hung them in grandfather clocks. He painted some stones In bright golden tones. He called his fakes simply sham-rocks. Reply
Roy Eugene Peterson May 13, 2025 And finally, here are my original Halloween limericks: BELLADONER The witches that shared a black coven Baked a meatloaf in their hot oven. They all were a gonner. Too much belladonner They died eating what they were lovin’. BURNED A witch who was burning in Salem, Said some night I’ll be back and haunt em. She never returned, Because she was burned. Her spirit could not even taunt them. RECIPE The witches were making a pot From a recipe somebody got. They stirred the green goo Like witches do, But it tasted like butterfly snot. HAVING A BLAST The witches and their helping cast Stirred the kettle a little too fast. While the witches sang, The kettle went bang. You could say they were having a blast. GORILLA GLUE A witch who was named Lucy Lou. Used to gossip while making her brew. Then one witchey night, Her lips were sealed tight. They had thrown in Gorilla glue. Reply
Maria May 13, 2025 There once was a girl from Inverness Who was sharp and a wizard at chess, She beat all the girls But with the fellas she failed Because her strategies failed to impress. There once was a mischievous muse Who both wished to impress and amuse, Her rhymes were divine Her meter sublime But really her limericks were nothing but lewd. There was a young girl from France Who gave the school bus a pass, She thought school a curse That would maim and oppress So now she’s at home reading Marx. Reply
Maria May 14, 2025 Or There once was a mischievous muse Who loved to vex, not amuse Her meter was heavy Her rhymes were unsteady But her limericks were deliciously rude. There once was a young wife from France Who was truly bored with her tasks, She took refuge in dreams And sinister tweets, So now she’s been handcuffed and charged. There once was a girl from Africa Who worked as a school janitor She thought school a curse A prison to maim and oppress So now she’s at home with sciatica. Reply
James A. Tweedie May 14, 2025 Since Maria broached the subject of Inverness, I feel inspired to dredge up another (kindred) limerick from my aforementioned book, An author, a fair Inverness miss, Wrote prose in a pub drinking Guinness. After three or four drafts She blamed all her gaffes On her fictional amanuensis Reply
Maria May 14, 2025 If writing in a pub drinking Guinness is the way to become an author, I think I’ll start tomorrow. Or perhaps I’ll sit in the garden with a Guinness. Have to finish that book I started ten years ago somehow…
Roy Eugene Peterson May 14, 2025 Here is one of mine for Thanksgiving: THE TURKEY SAID MOO I found my tom turkey inside Of the barn where he tried to hide. I asked is that you? My turkey said moo. I cut off his head ’cause he lied. Reply
Maria May 14, 2025 This one’s hilarious. I don’t think I will be able to see Turkey in the same way ever again. Moo Reply
Paul Freeman May 14, 2025 Not mine, but about the funniest limerick I know: From the crypt of the church of St. Giles, Came a scream that resounded for miles. Said the vicar, “Good gracious, Does Father Ignacious, Not know that the Bishop has piles.” Reply
Joseph S. Salemi May 14, 2025 That particular limerick is well known in High Anglican and Catholic circles. I have heard it in a slightly different form: From the depths of the crypt in St. Giles Came a scream that resounded for miles. Said the vicar “Good gracious! Has Father Ignatius Forgotten the Bishop has piles!” Reply
Susan Jarvis Bryant May 14, 2025 The cockiest Scot in Dundee Wore a kilt a foot up from his knee In a tartan so sparse It revealed half his arse – For his fine, furry sporran – praise be! Reply
James A. Tweedie May 15, 2025 Back in the day when my wife and I were living in Edinburgh, a man we knew (with de rigueur bandy legs) wore a kilt everywhere, all the time. One day he asked us if we knew the sign of an early spring? When we answered, “No,” he said, ”Tood be wen a Scotsman sits on a thistle!” Reply
Paul A. Freeman May 14, 2025 Scotland seems to be featuring large! A well-endowed jogger from Leith, Wore a T-shirt with nowt underneath; With both bosoms freed, A quick burst of speed Broke her nose and knocked out her front teeth. Reply
Paul A. Freeman May 14, 2025 And more topically: Qatari Gift Limerick Republicans said in the past, “Corruption has left us aghast.” Now focussed on gain, With gifts like a plane The swamp’s filling up mighty fast. Reply
Joseph S. Salemi May 14, 2025 Poor Freeman — he’s just so upset The American clock’s been re-set. It makes his life dreary. But what leaves him teary Is the fact that Trump’s gotten a jet. Our Trump’s cleaning up the whole world. The American flag is unfurled. He’s ending all farces And kicking Dem arses, And Freeman is foetally curled. If you’re stuck in a Third World lagoon It’s natural to pout and to swoon. But America’s happy — We’re free of a crappy Demented and addled buffoon. And if you don’t like what Trump’s doing Go ahead with your shouting and booing. We don’t give two humps If you’re down in the dumps. We like to see jerks like you stewing. Reply
Paul A. Freeman May 15, 2025 Responding to satire with personal insults is rather pathetic, but feel free. I saw the erosion of democracy in Zimbabwe under the Mugabe regime, and day by day am seeing the same happen in America. Calling it out is better than being silent, closing your eyes or excusing it.
Joseph S. Salemi May 15, 2025 Did I say that you should stop your “shouting and booing”? Go right ahead with it if you like. But don’t expect not to get hit hard when you (as a foreigner) attack the overwhelming choice of the American people. MAGA forever.
Mike Bryant May 15, 2025 Hey Joe, interesting very short video about the plane gift… https://choiceclips.whatfinger.com/2025/05/15/senator-mark-mullin-responds-to-a-reporter-about-the-plane-gifted-to-the-united-states-%f0%9f%a4%a3/
Paul A. Freeman May 17, 2025 Hey, Joe, another interesting limerick about Boeing, following the Starliner debacle and the Alaska Airlines doorplug blowout. Boeing Gets F-47 Deal At Boeing, the CEO twerks on landing some aerospace perks. The F-47 has left him in heaven – let’s hope the ejector seat works. I love how you jump to the defence of Americans commenting the UK in their poetry and comments, but the reverse gets has you booing and shouting.
Joseph S. Salemi May 17, 2025 You’re the one who is booing and shouting. I have never said that anyone has to censor themselves in what they say politically here. What I say is this: If you’re going to attack my country and my President, go ahead and do so. But expect to get kicked back hard in the teeth. That’s something totally different from censorship. I notice that left-liberals feel they have the right to say whatever they like about their enemies, but when their enemies return a rhetorical broadside they get all defensive and weepy and butt-hurt, and start whining about “victimhood.” You can’t have it both ways. If you you attack us, we’ll hit you right back twice as hard. The old-fashioned, polite, tea-and-crumpets conservative who never raised his voice in anger is gone forever. Get used to getting your ass kicked. MAGA forever.
Maria May 15, 2025 There once was a lass from Monrose as fair and fresh as a rose but her friends were jealous and so her life was hellish So now she lives in New Jersey. Reply
Susan Jarvis Bryant May 15, 2025 Hugh Boodle had two labradoodles Refusing the oodles of noodles He served them for dinner – Their patience grew thinner – Hugh knew they preferred apple strudels. A trouser-less tramp rode a donkey One Chinese New Year of the Monkey. His offspring were bums With opposable thumbs, A bray and front teeth that were wonky. Reply
Maria May 15, 2025 I’ve got to say from the two, apple strudel is my favourite. Not only is it a super limerick it is quite a tongue twister worthy of Peter Piper fame. And Hugh Knew! Reply
James A. Tweedie May 15, 2025 For Paul and Joe: Some say he’s God-blessed, or he’s cursed. The best that we’ve had or the worst. “Make America Great Again;” both Church and State. He’s the POTUS, Pope Donald the 1st. Reply
Peter Venable May 16, 2025 Sagacity Rebuked He thought his poems buoyant and zephyrous. The editor’s note was obstreperous: “Your zealous hyperbole, Disportionality, Has made your consistency leprous.” Reply
Mike Bryant May 16, 2025 Mae prayed for a soulful of hope. She was blessed with a Pope-on-a-Rope To cleanse away sin Beginning within – Now Mae has a hole full of soap. Reply