.

Dear Blabby’s Advice for the Clueless

_I want to write a column
_Like Abigail Van Buren
To give out my elite advice
_It’s something that I’m good in.

_I plan to title it,
_“Dear Blabby,” if you please.
They’ll think I’m being serious,
_But I will shoot the breeze.

_“Dear Blabby, my husband’s cheating
_I think, but do not know.”
—“Tell him that some strange girl called you.
_Watch his eye-size grow.”

_“Dear Blabby, my mother-in-law
_Won’t leave me alone.”
—“Say you’re busy working hard
_And never check your phone.”

_“Dear Blabby, I love this man
_But everyday I cry.”
—“Ask yourself if you are dating
_An onion or a guy!”

_“Dear Blabby, he doesn’t listen
_To my list of ‘Cant’s.’”
—“Relationships work best, my dear,
_When no one wears the pants.”

_My words will clear the air
_And glean the wheat from chaff…
But if they won’t trust my advice,
_Perhaps at least they’ll laugh.

.

.

LTC Roy E. Peterson, US Army Military Intelligence and Russian Foreign Area Officer (Retired) has published more than 6,200 poems in 88 of his 112 books. He has been an Army Attaché in Moscow, Commander of INF Portal Monitoring in Votkinsk, first US Foreign Commercial Officer in Vladivostok, Russia and Regional Manager in the Russian Far East for IBM. He holds a BA, Hardin-Simmons University (Political Science); MA, University of Arizona (Political Science); MA, University of Southern California (Int. Relations) and MBA University of Phoenix. He taught at the University of Arizona, Western New Mexico University, University of Maryland, Travel University and the University of Phoenix.

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15 Responses

  1. Gigi Ryan

    Dear Roy,
    As a rule, I enjoy advice columns. The stories and advice sometimes ring true, and sometimes make me laugh or shake my head.
    But you have taken it to new heights and fresh laughs – putting it into verse.
    My favorite replay is, “Ask yourself if you are dating an onion or a guy.”
    Thanks for this fun poem.
    Gigi

    Reply
    • Roy Eugene Peterson

      Gigi, I really love your comments, and you know I always enjoy your poems!

      Reply
  2. Brian Yapko

    This is very funny, Roy! I often read Dear Abby, though since it was taken over by her daughter it has become a haven for wokitude. Dear Blabby makes more sense. It’s strange to think that advice columns still exist in the internet age. Now commenters argue over the advice Abby gives and offer unseemly displays of schadenfreude.

    Reply
    • Roy Eugene Peterson

      Brian, I had no idea they were still writing advice columns. Maybe I should start one. Oh, I guess I have. Thank you for the comments and sharing that information.

      Reply
  4. Frank Rable

    Blabby here and and Blabby there,
    Makes me pull out all my hair,
    She don’t know much and you can tell,
    Original mother in law from hell.

    I’m am no cook or so she says,
    but at least blievs I’m not a les.
    Son could do better, that’s what she say
    mein gott,why her, oy,oy vey!

    Blabby Blabby to get advice?
    Why not go, and ask the mice?

    Greetings to my Jewish friends!
    Nobody is better when you kvetch. 🙂

    Oh Roy your poem was the best and inspired me. And mine was a bad month of Mad Magazine. Mea culpa,mea culpa

    Reply
  5. Paulette Calasibetta

    I love the humor of “Dear Blabby”….it would even make Abigail Van Buren smile. A clever piece!

    Reply
  6. Morrison Handley-Schachler

    Thanks for a refreshingly humorous read, Roy. I really enjoyed it.
    That strange girl who called might have been his mother, of course.

    Reply
  7. Russel Winick

    Roy – Good stuff! I agree with Gigi about the onion line being the best. There have always been syndicated advice columns in my local paper, but the quality has gone steadily down. When Ann and Abby gave advice, it seemed sensible and complete. Now it seems quoted from some book taught in lefty school, with more questions unanswered than answered. Great topic and great job!

    Reply
  8. Margaret Coats

    Roy, I do wonder what kind of advice-seekers you’ll attract by praising relationships with no one wearing pants. Take care!

    Reply

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