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A Freshman Pep Talk

—upon reading “Composers to Listen to While Studying,”
by Andrew Benson Brown, in The Epoch Times, Nov. 2, 2024

You’re ready? Get down to it, cram the night through.
What a loathsome idea! But think what will ensue
if you don’t crack the books and pour over class notes.
One study trick, though, has won millions of votes:
to shore up your nerves and restore confidence,
here’s a ploy experts warrant makes eminent sense:
see to it there’s classical music on hand,
something playing softly—perhaps not a band.
It acts like air fragrance to give you a lift
as you stare at the mountains of reading to sift.
The trick is to see that it won’t interfere
with your thinking: your mind must remain crystal clear.
Let it fill your surroundings, not addle your brain,
so choose your fare wisely, or else all’s in vain.
Let sweet sound enwrap you—it’s best to be near it;
but pay it no heed: you should not truly hear it.
For some the right choice will be rich, for some spare;
no matter, so long as you’re focused elsewhere.
The intellect needed to meet with success
in a context like this cannot fail to impress.
From the musical realm, two examples will show
by analogy what I mean. One—Did you know,
as a youth Mozart memorized, hearing but once,
a renowned Miserere (just one of his stunts).
When word got out, gasps of astonishment rose.
At the time was a novel in front of his nose?
Two—Extemporizing once for more than an hour,
the great Beethoven readily summoned the power
to repeat his performance, beginning to end—
no hints from a colleague, no help from a friend.
Was he thinking, perhaps, all the while he was playing,
of rent that he owed? Not too likely. (Just saying …)

All this being noted, it’s time that we dare
to home in more closely on musical fare.
Some looming test’s spooked you, you’re reeling in shock?
Tune out from a suite or concerto by Bach.
No worries intense concentration will flag,
and in Bach’s hands your spirits will surge, never sag.
Avoid, though, his more recherché counterpoint.
It’s bound to put little gray cells out of joint.
Consider a fugue with two subjects: the trouble
of keeping your mind disengaged would just double.

Our recommendation to those who feel stressed:
for ignorability, Mozart’s the best.
He never goes wrong. Give his offerings your trust
while you memorize all of the math that you must.
Andantes work well; or try some of his dances.
They’ll give you a lift as the evening advances.
Why not the sonatas or wind serenades?
They’re ever so lovely, yet each quickly fades
from attention, creating a fine atmosphere.
(As they say, in the right, and then out the left ear.)

Though Mozart’s an obvious choice here—a cinch—
surely Haydn would serve very well in a pinch.
Disregard his quartets as you might a mild breeze.
Mind—he jumps, now and then, to the most startling keys.
Yes, his taste for surprises and comic invention
might prove a sore challenge to full inattention.

Some argue that Beethoven makes a good choice.
They hear in his music no spellbinding voice.
At least he is likely to keep you awake,
and anything goes for the GPA’s sake.
The “Moonlight” Sonata comes well recommended,
and who in this wide world would say they’re offended
if one were to choose it to straighten the way
to a stellar result on that quiz the next day?
(I’d advise, to escape from becoming immersed:
before the third movement, return to the first.)

This brings up a problem I haven’t addressed;
a word here will put this small matter to rest.
Supposing you have for one piece an affinity,
and that one alone; or within the vicinity
a single CD, plus a dead radio,
and you’ve let your subscription to Spotify go.
Take courage: one CD repeatedly played,
can melt away fears of a terrible grade.
Even less, I insist, would do perfectly well:
a rondo refrain or a mere bagatelle
played repeatedly over the course of the night
Would quite likely dispel any case of test fright.

On the contrary, many would say: to succeed
in your arduous studies it’s silence you need.
Impossible! Never! Your worst choice would be
Cage’s famous “piano” piece, 4’33”.
It would leave students so psychologically wired
to the ambient noises, wherever they’re mired,
that they’d lose themselves utterly, light years away
from their studies, and they’d be in pain the next day.

To conclude, I would send you away with this thought:
you can test what I’ve said: is it true or just rot?
When you’ve finally given your studies their due,
and you’ve taken that quiz, poll the rest of your crew:
if they sampled some suites, had their brain power increased?
Who remembered the most, who remembered the least?
Whose mind, if awake through the long study session,
retained of that sound massage some vague impression?
The fittest response to this test of recall
of the night’s aural stimuli: “nothing at all.”

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Miserere: According to legend, Gregorio Allegri’s Miserere was withheld by the Vatican for its almost exclusive use. Mozart is supposed to have transcribed it after hearing there in 1770.

Beethoven: I haven’t recovered the source of this Beethoven anecdote. Perhaps it comes from his pupil Carl Czerny’s Systematische Anleitung zum Fantasieren auf dem Pianoforte (1829).

John Cage’s 4’33” (1952): this piece involves a performer opening and shutting a piano’s keyboard lid to indicate the beginning and end of its two “movements.” No notes are played during the piece’s four and a half minutes plus duration.

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Julian D. Woodruff writes poetry and short fiction for children and adults. He recently finished 2020-2021, a poetry collection. A selection of his work can be read at Parody Poetry, Lighten Up Online, Carmina Magazine, and Reedsy..

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10 Responses

  1. Roy E. Peterson

    Ah, you took me back to my freshman year at the university. I majored in Texas 42, a game played with dominoes and four players. The songs I listened to were Rock and Roll vinyl records, such as Buddy Holly and the softer music of the Browns. Fortunately, the next year when I actually knew I had to study I dispensed with music at the same time as I read the books and began my straight A career. I have always appreciated the easy listening classic music such as the waltzes of Straus and Polonaises of Chopin. Your epic poem highlights some excellent choices in a wonderful blending of rhyme and rhythm that almost makes me wish I had incorporated them into my study habits.

    Reply
    • Julian D. Woodruff

      Thank you, Roy. Buddy Holly is a name I’d expect to encounter in a reminiscence like yours, but I’m unfamiliar with the Browns. (Presumably no relation to either Andrew Benson Brown or “Jimmy Brown.”) I’m not sure how easy Chopin’s music (polonaises included) actually is: I find, even in most of the preludes, the spirit that is ready to smite my ear with something like the B minor Scherzo. Strauss is a good pick, but (as prone to distraction as I am) I might drift off and picture an elegant ballroom filled with the likes of Deborah Kerr or Capucine draped in the most lavish gowns.

      Reply
  2. Brian A. Yapko

    This is a splendidly ambitious poem, Julian — 98 lines of couplets, no less! — well-executed and one which shows off a dazzling amount of knowledge regarding classical music — frequently with a humorous twist. I concur with your choice of Mozart for serious study and generally think of Haydn as much like Mozart — only duller. For serious study I would find Beethoven way too thunderous and Bach too intricately involving. But I might also consider Brahms or Mendelssohn. If your poem had gone on for an even longer length (a daunting prospect) I’m sure you would have gotten to them.

    I’m astonished that you mentioned John Cage. His famous (infamous) 4″33′ is a piece of performance art which I charitably think should be skewered as an artistic travesty — the musical equivalent of the artist who used duct tape to attach a banana to the wall and had it hailed as “art.” Your reference to him is, no doubt, tongue-in-cheek. Especially since you put “piano” in quotes.

    An impressive survey, Julian. Very well done.

    Reply
    • Julian D. Woodruff

      Thanks, Brian. I brought in Mozart, and particularly the wind serenades (Serenades 10-12), because they contain some of the most ravishing music ever to pass the ear of humankind. (I have a dream poem on a Mozart aria that I’ll submit here sometime when I’ve handed in a few things in a row not music-related). I must admit, I’m slightly disappointed in your take on Haydn. I might venture to guess that Mozart suits 20th/21st century classical music tastes more than Haydn–he is certainly performed more–especially by orchestras and opera companies–but there is such boldness, invention, and distillation of thought in his works they ought to be much better known than most of them are.
      Cage–an acquired taste (or affectation, if you prefer); but at least with 4’33” an easily acquired taste: how often I’ve wished I could walk over to the juke box and select it, then have it repeat until I’d paid my bill at the establishment that housed it and left with ears relatively intact. (BTW, It’s occurred to me to wonder if anyone has transcribed 4’33” for another instrument, for an ensemble, or even for orchestra. Glen Gould, in his facetious liner notes to to his recording of Liszt’s piano transcription of Beethoven’s Fifth, scolds Liszt for putting so many orchestral musicians out of work. Imagine the reverse–a string section 60 members strong, all laying into 4’33”.)

      Reply
  3. Margaret Coats

    Julian, your effort is admirable, though I think any freshman who gave it his attention would be procrastinating. And then he might go on to make a playlist lasting hours to prepare himself for study. But no harm done these days when January break is a real vacation for anyone not suffering the misery of incompletes. It might even be a good time to make said playlist to be used during study period for the spring term. I can’t imagine why universities ever let students go home for Christmas to return and try to recollect fall term learning for a week with exams thereafter.

    You have some wonderful phrasing here, such as Mozart the best for ignorability. And Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata leading to stellar grades. You do address a real possibility in the desire to hear a certain piece or recording over and over. I could have done that with Handel’s Largo, with or without the words “Ombra mai fu.” I know the meaning, but the aria is so trance-like it can only contribute to mental elevation. Cage gives you a spectacular way to conclude. It exemplifies the monotony of waiting while unable to think of anything except the end of the non-performance.

    Good concept for a poem, and fortunately for your oeuvre, one that lacks repeatability!

    Reply
    • Julian D. Woodruff

      Margaret! You got me precisely in your 2nd sentence.
      On exclusive favorites, this idea was inspired by 3 students (all non-music-majors) who regularly visited the listening center at Northwester University in the days when I ran it as a graduate student myself. For one, it was Bruckner’s 8th Symphony (I think actually a single recording of it); for the 2nd, it was the Sabre Dance from Khatchaturian’s Gayne (he evidently had less spare time than the 1st); for the 3rd it was Rachmanninoff’s 2nd Piano Concerto (after which he’d go over to the little electric keyboard for a few minutes and play a little Bach–usually from the Well-Tempered Clavier). It impressed me that these guys were NOT studying–they were listening. Most music students would flood the listening center a day or 2 before thir listening exams, listen to 3 minutes of this, 2 minutes of that etc., then wonder why m staff & I couldn’t keep up with the switches they demanded. Those students were studying–and most likely NOT listening.
      The Largo, the opening aria of Handel’s opera Serse–that’s a good one. Our pick-up string quartet used to get it as a request at memorial services. Donald Pippin, the irrepressible founder of San Francisco’s Pocket Opera (long since folded, I’m pretty sure) referred to it as Xerxes making love to a tree. But you’re right–surely one of H’s finest creations.
      The 4’33” bit: I just had to put in something acknowledging the modern fear of silence. In my substitute teaching days, middle school& high school kids would ask me if they could have the radio on while they studied (or whatever). I (meany!) invariably said “No!” I figured there might be a student somewhere in the room who actually wanted to study, and actually preferred to study in relative silence.

      Reply
  4. ABB

    How delightfully unexpected. I wonder if you were listening to Mozart as you wrote this, Julian? Enjoyed the humor and wit of the piece, and the rhyming couplets create a lively, conversational rhythm. Love the couplet, “Let sweet sound enwrap you—it’s best to be near it; / but pay it no heed: you should not truly hear it.” You do a good job of capturing the characteristics of each composer. I especially liked the inclusion of Cage as an anti-study piece.

    I read that many students these days prefer listening to ‘Lo-fi Hip Hop’ while studying. I suppose the young ‘uns will always be most drawn to the music they grew up with in their surroundings. More teachers need to be beating these tendencies out of them.

    Reply
  5. Julian D. Woodruff

    ABB,
    Thanks for reading. To answer your question, I was listening to the poetic cadence, making sure I didn’t mess up. Definitely not Mozart; if I had, you would have gotten lines of anywhere from 5 & a half to 9 feet, I’m sure, plus incomplete sentences and some pretty wild grammar.
    On “music they grew up with”: I heard an anecdote once about a pianist who was preparing Franck’s Violin Sonata. She commented to her mother, a cellist, that she was drawn to the work in a way she had never been before. Her mother explained: “When I was pregnant with you, I was performing the cello arrangement of that piece.” (I wish I knew what mother-daughter pair the story is about.)

    Reply
  6. Susan Jarvis Bryant

    Julian, I love this. I am not a classical music afficionado, but I thoroughly appreciate the understated wonder of its beauty. At the saddest time of my life, a time when familiar tunes and lyrics held memories that stirred hurt in me, I listened to classical music… I believe it played some part in healing me – which is why I adore these lines: “It acts like air fragrance to give you a lift / as you stare at the mountains of reading to sift.” – replace “reading” with “sorrow” and your words sing to me. Thank you!

    Reply
    • Julian D. Woodruff

      Thanks for reading, Susan. My words have struck you in a way I had not imagined, and for sharing your response I’m grateful. I’m sorry for your past time of pain, and glad that classical music could help you get through it.

      Reply

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