.

Advice to a Young Man in Love

If her name is Sally, then
_Tattoo it on your arm
With Lovehearts terminally, and
_It won’t do any harm,

Because, when Sally breaks your heart,
_There’s Sallys up and down
Quite every street in every part
_Of every country town.

But if her name is Bethany
_Count sixty and reflect:
Another one there’ll never be,
_So be more circumspect.

And if her name is Marigold
_Pray heed my warning brother:
You simply cannot be so bold;
_You’ll never find another.

And if she’s Luz or if she’s Ruth
_It would be too unkind
To let the wounds which marked your youth
_Leave such a scar behind.

Oh, Sally, Sally, marry me.
_But firstly I request
You change your name to Bethany.
_It will be for the best.

Sally, my Love, be not so cold,
_Be not so merciless,
But change your name to Marigold
_And end my singleness.

Sally, I love you in all truth
_Come fine or stormy weather,
But you must change your name to Luz
_Or we can’t be together.

And, yes, I know, my name is Joe,
_But, honest truth to tell,
I’m sure that Marcantonio
_Will serve me just as well.

.

.

Morrison Handley-Schachler is a retired Chartered Public Finance Accountant and Lecturer in Accounting. He has a doctorate in Ancient History and has published articles on ancient Persian history, accounting history, financial crime, auditing and financial risk management. He lives in South Queensferry, on the outskirts of Edinburgh, Scotland.

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13 Responses

    • Morrison Handley-Schachler

      Glad you enjoyed it, Rohini. It was fun to write as well.

      Reply
    • Morrison Handley-Schachler

      I leave it to others to supply the advice for those. I’m afraid I was unable to come up with rhyming counsels for those who are in love with Cynthia or Agnes.

      Reply
  3. Martin Briggs

    Light-hearted, with satisfying rhymes. Thanks for raising a smile, Morrison.

    Reply
  4. Paulette Calasibetta

    Your lyrical levity of ‘wisdom’ put a smile on my face.
    Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
    • Morrison Handley-Schachler

      Thanks for reading it, Paulette. I’m delighted that you enjoyed it.

      Reply
  5. Joseph S. Salemi

    It’s curious how female first names change. Whatever happened to Mabel or Minerva or Abigail?

    Reply
  6. Morrison Handley-Schachler

    Thanks, Joseph. I hope you don’t mind my borrowing your name for the last stanza. Interesting how names come and go. I don’t think I’ve ever met a Mabel or a Minerva. And probably more Catrionas than Abigails.

    Reply
  7. Paul Freeman

    A fun piece, Morrison. Back in the 90s I worked in Zimbabwe and many names redundant in the West were thriving there. I had a student called Abigail, our young school secretary was Agatha, and a graduate teacher was called Gladys.

    Reply
    • Morrison Handley-Schachler

      Thanks, Paul. Those are some fine, old-fashioned names. Some names also seem to enjoy regional popularity. In my experience, Heather, Elspeth and Kirsty are rarely encountered outside Scotland – likewise Duncan and Douglas.

      Reply
      • Joseph S. Salemi

        I can always tell when a TV show has been made in the U.K.. simply by looking at the production credits.

        If those credits list male names like Nigel, Roger, Alastair, Gavin, Cecil, Graham, or Percival, it’s a Brit show. This is confirmed if I also see female names like Felicity, Prunella, Beryl, Winifred, or Belinda.

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