(public domain)A Poem for International Women’s Day: ‘Kitchen-Sink Musings’ by Susan Jarvis Bryant The Society March 8, 2025 Poetry, Satire 26 Comments . Kitchen-Sink Musings It’s International Women’s Day today But as a flunkee in biology I’m told I’m far from qualified to pay Fair tribute to such morphing majesty. As I’m a wombed and bosomed dinosaur With brazen XX chromosomes to boot, I’ve lost my precious Reddy right to roar— My female fortitude is rendered moot. A mother’s worth and voice is obsolete Now bristly birthing persons are the norm. The mustached matriarchs are out to meet Their cocky kin and party up a storm. It’s Women’s Day and wifely duty calls— I’ll celebrate when I have grown some balls. . . Susan Jarvis Bryant is a poet originally from the U.K., now living on the Gulf Coast of Texas. NOTE TO READERS: If you enjoyed this poem or other content, please consider making a donation to the Society of Classical Poets. The Society of Classical Poets does not endorse any views expressed in individual poems or commentary. 26 Responses Geoffrey Smagacz March 8, 2025 Take that, Virginia Woolf! Fun to read. Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant March 8, 2025 Thank you, Geoffrey. How strange that a room of one’s own would be the least of Woolf’s worries these days – a bathroom of her own would be good for starters! Reply Geoffrey Smagacz March 9, 2025 She grew up with seven servants. We should all be so lucky. Brian Yapko March 8, 2025 Kitchen sink indeed, Susan! What a blast! You’ve really packed this poem with references from science to pop culture into a spicy stew of satire. I love it! Love the reference to Helen Reddy’s “I Am Woman” and the ear-hurting mention of “birthing person” as a substitute for mother (now they’re pushing the phrase “impregnated person.”) Your male anatomy double entendres (I believe there are two dangling there) make the poem extra caliente and hilarious. “Morphing majesty!” Do you realize that all that separates a man from a woman is five little words? The minute I announce “I identify as a woman” everyone has to recognize me as such. As I understand it, in England you’ll go to jail if you don’t. As for “International Women’s Day” itself… what happened to the idea that there are 199 genders out there? Don’t they all deserve a holiday? Thanks for the laugh, Susan. And yet another chance to get my blood pressure up. Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant March 10, 2025 Brian, I’m thrilled to hear this made you laugh, and (as ever) you have made me smile by homing in on the finer details – I must admit to your witty employment of the word “dangling” making me laugh out loud! And laugh we must – in the faces of those pushing their sick agenda 24/7. It is said “A lie told often enough becomes the truth” – not if it’s so darn ridiculous it’s laughable… which is where satire comes in. You also make a great point about all those genders not given their celebratory day of fame… I wonder why? Brian, thank you very much indeed! Reply Yael March 8, 2025 I didn’t know it’s women’s day today, thank you for notifying me. Happy Women’s day to everyone. Is there also an International Men’s Day at some point on the calendar? Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant March 10, 2025 Thank you, Yael. Yes, there is an International Men’s Day in November. All is revealed on Wiki – it sounds about as much fun as “International Women’s Day” – I’ll mention it to Mike. Reply Rohini March 8, 2025 OMG! Superb, Especially loved ‘I’m a wombed and bosomed dinosaur’ and that kicker of a last line. Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant March 10, 2025 Rohini, I’m thrilled you enjoyed this – my muse wouldn’t stop bugging me. I simply had to write it! Thank you! Reply Joseph S. Salemi March 8, 2025 This is a true hoot, Susan! Great satire, and with an edge to it. Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant March 10, 2025 “Satire with an edge” was my aim. I’m over the moon I managed it. Joe, thank you! Reply Warren Bonham March 9, 2025 Given that you flunked biology, it seems that you’re qualified to be on the Supreme Court along with KBJ. Although you lost the right, your roar was heard loud and clear. Great poem as always. Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant March 10, 2025 Warren, what a great comment. It has me grinning. Thank you! Reply Mark Stellinga March 9, 2025 Susan, with less than 1% of our country fighting to set the rules on pronouns and gender acknowledgment, etc. it’s high time we 99%ers made a far greater effort to put the clearly irrepairable specimens where they belong. Virtually unoccupied government buildings, like the many in D. C., would hold a ton of them! Of course, DJT would have to whip up another EO initiating the hiring of a few hundred right-minded wardens and several thousand Proud Boy guards. I’m betting some would work for free! BTW – Connie got the special ‘International Women’s Day’ treatment yesterday – I let her help me with one of my furniture restoration projects. She’s awesome! 🙂 Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant March 10, 2025 Mark, thank you very much. You have a valid point. We live in a world where the majority are always made to suffer – the iron-fisted Covid chaos being a prime example. Poetic pushback is the way to go. My muse is exhausted! I hope your beloved has her feet up today. Reply Roy Eugene Peterson March 9, 2025 I predict “impregnated person” will never be acceptable: 1.) That only can apply for a few months at a time and 2.) Only to a real biological woman. That leaves out a man living as a woman. There is a better pronoun that could be applied to morphing beings combining She+He+It abbreviated to S-H-IT. (Pardon me for using such a vulgar combination.) Your scathing satire on the subject certainly adds food for thought on Women’s Day. Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant March 10, 2025 Roy, utterly hilarious! I can’t stop laughing! The pronoun-combo for morphing beings has grabbed my attention. Thank you for tapping into the Women’s Day vibe. Reply C.B. Anderson March 9, 2025 Susan, I hope you were barefoot when you wrote this at the kitchen sink. April 1 is Tranny Day, in case you didn’t know. Are you aware of how much easier it is to turn an X chromosome into a Y chromosome than the other way around? Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant March 10, 2025 Thank you, C.B. Yes, I was barefoot and pregnant with a flourish of flamboyant, neon-pink ideas for April 1st – courtesy of my manic muse. I’ve heard that the Y chromosome has a lot of repetitive, non-coding DNA and has shrunk over the ages… which may explain a lot… or not. You have stoked my curiosity. I know from the likes of Mary Shelley it won’t end well. Reply Cheryl A Corey March 9, 2025 You crack me up. You’re killing it, as usual. Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant March 10, 2025 Cheryl, thank you! Reply Cynthia Erlandson March 9, 2025 Great fun, Susan! I wouldn’t even have been aware of international women’s day if I hadn’t been listening, as always, to classical music radio, and even there (normally not a political forum at all) they were celebrating by playing only music composed by women. Nothing wrong with that, of course (as long as it’s good music); but you’re so right to point out the absurdity of having such a day in this present culture of confusion. Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant March 10, 2025 Cynthia, thank you! Beautiful music composed by women is a lovely way to celebrate. But… what is a woman? I hope my poem makes it crystal-ball clear for those having trouble with the definition. Reply Julian D. Woodruff March 10, 2025 Susan, thanks for another great poem, but I’m glum. Not that articulate, either, but here’s my reaction to your words: You say “birthing person”? Why not a machine? Ditch unburied humanity in the latrine. The term “birthing person” denotes but a stage we must pass on the way to that great Golden Age, when minds are stripped clean of all nobility. Conceive of conception? No! Sterility is the ludicrous game we’ll be playing and talking—a race worshiping a true deus ex machina! I hope you make some sense of that, but in any case, we still have Birthing Persons’ Day to look forward to, and eventually Inseminators’ Day (or better: Semen Suppliers’ Day). Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant March 11, 2025 Julian, thank you very much for your delightfully creative comment. I love the poem with its wonderfully rhymed couplets and that smattering of humor that serves to highlight the dangerous and dire times we live in. Perhaps when the human race becomes as deified as the ebbing Delta smelt, we will have reached the point of sanity needed to turn this insidious idiocy around. What a terrifying thought! Reply jd March 13, 2025 Very clever and funny, Susan. A perfect poem for the day celebrated. Reply Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Δ This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Susan Jarvis Bryant March 8, 2025 Thank you, Geoffrey. How strange that a room of one’s own would be the least of Woolf’s worries these days – a bathroom of her own would be good for starters! Reply
Brian Yapko March 8, 2025 Kitchen sink indeed, Susan! What a blast! You’ve really packed this poem with references from science to pop culture into a spicy stew of satire. I love it! Love the reference to Helen Reddy’s “I Am Woman” and the ear-hurting mention of “birthing person” as a substitute for mother (now they’re pushing the phrase “impregnated person.”) Your male anatomy double entendres (I believe there are two dangling there) make the poem extra caliente and hilarious. “Morphing majesty!” Do you realize that all that separates a man from a woman is five little words? The minute I announce “I identify as a woman” everyone has to recognize me as such. As I understand it, in England you’ll go to jail if you don’t. As for “International Women’s Day” itself… what happened to the idea that there are 199 genders out there? Don’t they all deserve a holiday? Thanks for the laugh, Susan. And yet another chance to get my blood pressure up. Reply
Susan Jarvis Bryant March 10, 2025 Brian, I’m thrilled to hear this made you laugh, and (as ever) you have made me smile by homing in on the finer details – I must admit to your witty employment of the word “dangling” making me laugh out loud! And laugh we must – in the faces of those pushing their sick agenda 24/7. It is said “A lie told often enough becomes the truth” – not if it’s so darn ridiculous it’s laughable… which is where satire comes in. You also make a great point about all those genders not given their celebratory day of fame… I wonder why? Brian, thank you very much indeed! Reply
Yael March 8, 2025 I didn’t know it’s women’s day today, thank you for notifying me. Happy Women’s day to everyone. Is there also an International Men’s Day at some point on the calendar? Reply
Susan Jarvis Bryant March 10, 2025 Thank you, Yael. Yes, there is an International Men’s Day in November. All is revealed on Wiki – it sounds about as much fun as “International Women’s Day” – I’ll mention it to Mike. Reply
Rohini March 8, 2025 OMG! Superb, Especially loved ‘I’m a wombed and bosomed dinosaur’ and that kicker of a last line. Reply
Susan Jarvis Bryant March 10, 2025 Rohini, I’m thrilled you enjoyed this – my muse wouldn’t stop bugging me. I simply had to write it! Thank you! Reply
Joseph S. Salemi March 8, 2025 This is a true hoot, Susan! Great satire, and with an edge to it. Reply
Susan Jarvis Bryant March 10, 2025 “Satire with an edge” was my aim. I’m over the moon I managed it. Joe, thank you! Reply
Warren Bonham March 9, 2025 Given that you flunked biology, it seems that you’re qualified to be on the Supreme Court along with KBJ. Although you lost the right, your roar was heard loud and clear. Great poem as always. Reply
Susan Jarvis Bryant March 10, 2025 Warren, what a great comment. It has me grinning. Thank you! Reply
Mark Stellinga March 9, 2025 Susan, with less than 1% of our country fighting to set the rules on pronouns and gender acknowledgment, etc. it’s high time we 99%ers made a far greater effort to put the clearly irrepairable specimens where they belong. Virtually unoccupied government buildings, like the many in D. C., would hold a ton of them! Of course, DJT would have to whip up another EO initiating the hiring of a few hundred right-minded wardens and several thousand Proud Boy guards. I’m betting some would work for free! BTW – Connie got the special ‘International Women’s Day’ treatment yesterday – I let her help me with one of my furniture restoration projects. She’s awesome! 🙂 Reply
Susan Jarvis Bryant March 10, 2025 Mark, thank you very much. You have a valid point. We live in a world where the majority are always made to suffer – the iron-fisted Covid chaos being a prime example. Poetic pushback is the way to go. My muse is exhausted! I hope your beloved has her feet up today. Reply
Roy Eugene Peterson March 9, 2025 I predict “impregnated person” will never be acceptable: 1.) That only can apply for a few months at a time and 2.) Only to a real biological woman. That leaves out a man living as a woman. There is a better pronoun that could be applied to morphing beings combining She+He+It abbreviated to S-H-IT. (Pardon me for using such a vulgar combination.) Your scathing satire on the subject certainly adds food for thought on Women’s Day. Reply
Susan Jarvis Bryant March 10, 2025 Roy, utterly hilarious! I can’t stop laughing! The pronoun-combo for morphing beings has grabbed my attention. Thank you for tapping into the Women’s Day vibe. Reply
C.B. Anderson March 9, 2025 Susan, I hope you were barefoot when you wrote this at the kitchen sink. April 1 is Tranny Day, in case you didn’t know. Are you aware of how much easier it is to turn an X chromosome into a Y chromosome than the other way around? Reply
Susan Jarvis Bryant March 10, 2025 Thank you, C.B. Yes, I was barefoot and pregnant with a flourish of flamboyant, neon-pink ideas for April 1st – courtesy of my manic muse. I’ve heard that the Y chromosome has a lot of repetitive, non-coding DNA and has shrunk over the ages… which may explain a lot… or not. You have stoked my curiosity. I know from the likes of Mary Shelley it won’t end well. Reply
Cynthia Erlandson March 9, 2025 Great fun, Susan! I wouldn’t even have been aware of international women’s day if I hadn’t been listening, as always, to classical music radio, and even there (normally not a political forum at all) they were celebrating by playing only music composed by women. Nothing wrong with that, of course (as long as it’s good music); but you’re so right to point out the absurdity of having such a day in this present culture of confusion. Reply
Susan Jarvis Bryant March 10, 2025 Cynthia, thank you! Beautiful music composed by women is a lovely way to celebrate. But… what is a woman? I hope my poem makes it crystal-ball clear for those having trouble with the definition. Reply
Julian D. Woodruff March 10, 2025 Susan, thanks for another great poem, but I’m glum. Not that articulate, either, but here’s my reaction to your words: You say “birthing person”? Why not a machine? Ditch unburied humanity in the latrine. The term “birthing person” denotes but a stage we must pass on the way to that great Golden Age, when minds are stripped clean of all nobility. Conceive of conception? No! Sterility is the ludicrous game we’ll be playing and talking—a race worshiping a true deus ex machina! I hope you make some sense of that, but in any case, we still have Birthing Persons’ Day to look forward to, and eventually Inseminators’ Day (or better: Semen Suppliers’ Day). Reply
Susan Jarvis Bryant March 11, 2025 Julian, thank you very much for your delightfully creative comment. I love the poem with its wonderfully rhymed couplets and that smattering of humor that serves to highlight the dangerous and dire times we live in. Perhaps when the human race becomes as deified as the ebbing Delta smelt, we will have reached the point of sanity needed to turn this insidious idiocy around. What a terrifying thought! Reply
