.

Bear Spray

My little brother took a dare
To pepper spray a mama bear.
It seems the spray was much too mild,
So I’ve become an only child.

Except for near the polar ice,
The bears you’ll see are mostly nice
When people give them ample space
But get irate when sprayed with mace.

(A polar bear may rarely treat
A human as a source of meat,
But eating people seems less shrewd
To bears with leafy types of food,
And many bears, despite their roars,
Are scavengers and omnivores.)

When bears are eating fruit and shrubs
And spending time with cuddly cubs,
You’re likely not the prey they’d hunt
Unless you try a silly stunt
Like giving ears or tails a tug
Or asking for a crushing hug.

When egged on by his foolish friend,
My brother met an early end.
Surround yourself with wiser pals,
And bug no bears, you boys and gals!

.

.

Lady Fame’s Monologue

—a fragment from an abandoned epic

The goal’s no longer ever-lasting fame
But rather wealth to last until one dies.
Who cares if future ages know your name?
The point’s to have a name whose credit buys
Enough to put medieval popes to shame.
It’s present wealth and fame a star now seeks
Unlike the heroes of the ancient Greeks.

Perhaps you’ll think this lady’s fallen prey
To deep despair or modern cynicism.
I’ve thought this problem over night and day
And studied every spectrum of the prism.
Although some areas are shaded gray,
The argument is strong for nihilism.
I’ll now present all seekers with my case
For making wealth the only end they chase.

The best contestants ever to compete
Are hardly given any guarantee
That present wins won’t later find defeat
When Time and Madame Mutability
Decide to make a talent obsolete.
(Those wielding swords with great agility
Once earned applause from kings and queens at court,
But fencing’s now a barely noticed sport.)

You see, it’s one of Fame’s unchanging laws
That many praised as legends in their age
Will find themselves, without apparent cause,
All but erased from history’s changing page
While people once devoured by gaping jaws
Of Time emerge to win the title sage
And rise to sit with lasting fame’s elect
Despite their prior eras of neglect.

So, artists who deserve the label “wise,”
The ones to whom I open up my doors,
Produce the type of work that satisfies
The people shopping at the hottest stores.
If work won’t cause the bottom line to rise,
Its maker never stands upon my floors.
To measure merit’s easy in these times.
Just count what’s earned in dollar bills and dimes.

.

.

Paul Burgess, an emerging poet, is the sole proprietor of a business in Lexington, Kentucky that offers ESL classes in addition to English, Japanese, and Spanish-language translation and interpretation services. He has an M.A. in English with a concentration in the Renaissance and once earned a fellowship at the Folger Shakespeare Library. He has contributed work to Blue Unicorn, The Orchards, Flash Phantoms, and several other publications and has recently started writing short fiction.

NOTE TO READERS: If you enjoyed this poem or other content, please consider making a donation to the Society of Classical Poets.

The Society of Classical Poets does not endorse any views expressed in individual poems or commentary.

 

***Read Our Comments Policy Here***

 

11 Responses

  1. Roy Eugene Peterson

    These are two crushingly funny poems that earned my admiration for your humor and satire from the beginning. The one about the bears had some half-hidden teaching points as well. As you shared “Lady Fame’s Monologue,” I was taken with cultural practices over time which were once thought “immutable” laws that in the present era have become mutable relics. I have a sudden urge to expand my line of credit on my cards and go out with a great debt while living more voraciously.

    Reply
    • Paul Burgess

      I really appreciate your kind words. I am so grateful for a platform like this because it helps keep alive one of the endangered cultural practices that I hope will never die : sharing and discussing formal poetry with others who are interested in doing the same.

      Reply
  2. jd

    Enjoyed both poems very much and hope the first is not based on personal experience.

    Reply
    • Paul Burgess

      I appreciate you taking the time to comment, and I’m glad you enjoyed the poems. Fortunately, the first poem is not based on personal experience.

      Reply
  3. Paul A. Freeman

    I was particularly impressed with Bear Spray, the humour and the rhythm of the piece were excellent.

    What a contrast was Lady Fame’s Monologue, in its examination of the fickleness of fame.

    Thanks for the reads, Paul.

    Reply
    • Paul Burgess

      Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! I have just recently discovered the Society of Classical Poets, and I am already so thrilled to see so many others writing, reading, and discussing formal poetry.

      Reply
  4. Joseph S. Salemi

    “Bear Spray” is in the style of those Belloc poems that talk about the slaughter of a young child for doing something stupid. Like those poems, this one manages to be funny while at the same time shocking.

    Lady Fame’s words are right on the mark for accuracy concerning the vicissitudes of human judgment. Who knows what the reputation of some persons or achievements will be after the passage of many years? Columbus was always seen as a great hero when I was a kid — today you’ll be excoriated if you dare to say a word in his praise.

    As for contemporary people wanting money over fame — well, I think in general that has always been true. It’s just that nobody dared to mentioned it in public.

    Reply
    • Paul Burgess

      I appreciate your comment and love to see the reference to Belloc. I love Harry Graham and Belloc’s dark children’s poems so much that I have written entire sets of similar works. Thank you for your thoughtful comments and kind words.

      Reply
  5. Jeff Eardley

    Paul, I laughed out loud at Bear Spray before the quiet contemplation of Lady Fame. These are two most enjoyable poems. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Paul Burgess

      I really appreciate you taking the time to comment, and I am so glad that you enjoyed the poems.

      Reply
  6. C.B. Anderson

    As one who has actually eaten bear meat, I take a different view. Mace is no good; what one needs is loaded firearms and a pack of hound dogs.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.