Humor

. The Antiques Buyer Meets His Match "What's the best you'll do?" I asked; __“It's nice, but needs some work... and parts for these, as you may know, __are sometimes hard to find!” “If you don't like...

. The Leprechaun Come mid-March, the leprechaun Glides up and o’er the rainbow, Playful as a unicorn That’s prancing in a meadow. With greedy eyes glimmering, And shim’ry as a peacock, He slides to...

. The Scottish Gourmand A culture-rich country which lay to the east where we were invited to conference and feast from Cuba to China, and some of the rest they bade them here gather and money invest for...

. The Number 17: Ondine and Lucien’s Great Adventure;  Or, The Kind that Can Float from The Bus Poems: A Tale of the Devil, currently in preparation. Now this is a tale of two very good friends; They lived...

. Homeric Hot or Not (Hotness Ratings Out of 10) . 10 By birth divine and radiantly tressed And beautiful and of a charm possessed That turns men into pigs if she’s inclined, A better girl than Circe none...

. Winter Hyphenation Knit cap above, two squinting eyes below Face frozen fresh-fall snowfall, white as snow. Constricted pupils dim the sight and fight Against the blinding sunrise-lumined light. An...

. The Reagan with apologies to Edgar Allan Poe Once upon a long and weary voting day with chances dreary for a quaint and curious choice, a nominee we all adore; while I gauged the sense of voting, suddenly I...

. And Every Dog His Day There’s no such thing as dog-years.  You were fooled By sentimental nincompoops who don’t Know how to count correctly, twits unschooled In logic or in basic facts who...

. So Much Depends upon a Dog So much depends upon a dog The earth revolves around the sun. Each day revolves around our jog— unclip your harness, watch you run, and sniff where other dogs have wet. So much...

. An Appeal I want to be a fiber on your loom, A constant fixture in your living room, A luscious morsel that you save for last. It's time for us to build a solid past, If only to secure a firm...

. The Ballad of Mrs. Pam Able Mrs. Pam Able was very unstable, And loved to be tied to her dining-room table. Her friends were appalled, many names she was called, For her fatal attraction for men who were...

. The Number 128: The Picnic “Let’s go on a picnic,” the older one said; “We’ll take tins of salmon and slices of bread.” “We’ll set up a table away from the trees” “And sit in the sunshine...

. The Villainy of Icicles That sword of Damocles! That glacial Iago! A prism forged of ice, sharp and aloof; An icicle out of Doctor Zhivago Malevolently hanging from our roof... It waited for the perfect...

. Fear for the Future When I ponder the future I get so distraught For the Leftists control Most production of thought. . . To Better Protect Democracy The WAPO and the New York Times Should move all their...

. The Poetaster’s Plight Some think the poet’s work is ease: "Sit back and write it’s such a breeze;" But those that know will surely say They labor hard from day to day. They wrestle with each turn of...

. The Stonechat Listens at the Asylum Window I fear I might mistranslate what you said And lose the very essence of your words. May I record you as I do the birds: The warbler, shrike and wren, red’s...

. Note: Burns Night is when Scotland’s most important bard, Robert Burns (1759-1796), is celebrated, usually with the recitation of Burns’ poems, the eating of haggis, and the drinking of whisky. It...

. . On Alma Tadema’s Coign of Vantage Flora peeks over the marble parapet, a dizzying perch above the azure Aegean. The Roman fleet is returning. 'Tis the season to flirt, to catch a lover in her...

. On a Terrible Orchestral-chorale Concert Trapped here with vain musicians---what a fate! An echo chamber that I can't escape. Conductors lead, nude but for bandanas. On their right side, Carmina...

. A Note on Iambic Barktameter I have an Australian Shepard named Sunny who loves poetry. I didn’t believe it at first, but she proved it to me. She showed me her copy of Poetry magazine and said, “Look...

. Cookies I bought a bag of cookies for a snack, But they were way too sweet… I took them back. I tried each one to make sure this was true. I really didn’t know what else to do. The woman in the store...

. Bingo Ladies Gray-haired gals meet twice a week, Have their luncheon with the clique At the Wendy’s in Coppell. After they have talked a spell Off to northwest part of Dallas To the Giant Bingo...

. Putting Settings in Their Place For dilettantes the world’s bereft When table settings aren’t precise. For if the forks aren’t on the left They’ll give their host some stern advice: “The fork goes...

. Shams Shams-i Tabrizi was Rumi’s intimate friend and spiritual mentor. I stayed awake those short midsummer nights When naked druids danced beneath the moon’s Hypnotic glow performing pagan rites And...

. The Winter Cold I so despise the winter cold; I admit it makes me utter all kinds of truly nasty words, disposition in the gutter. The snow, the ice, this arctic clime do not set my heart aflutter, and...

. Crimes Against My Sanity At any-given-time o’clock While tidying my house, I find--- Oh look---is that another sock? It really isn’t such a shock; My kids for chaos were designed At any-given-time...

. Wisdom When young I dreamed of someday being wise, And pictured brilliant input holding sway. But via jolts of life now realize, There’s wisdom also in what you don’t say. . . No One Fully Measures...

. How Troubling to Know Mrs. Pain How troubling to know Mrs. Pain. She has written some ludicrous stuff. Some think that she hasn’t a brain, And some think she has just enough. She types her stuff on the...

.   Christmas Rules and Promises My first rule for this Christmas is__No carrot sticks for me.They might have been a snowman's nose,__So I will let them be. My second rule this Christmas is__Your gift I will...

. Arrival of Spring Each wing delivers news of a young earth: The nightingale, the end of moonless woes, The dove, the peace of melting mountain snows, The hummingbird, a lightness dense with mirth. The...

. In a Soviet Gulag from an oft repeated joke There was a break in the relentless cold And then the guard stepped out for quite a while. Such changes made the prisoners grow bold: Two yelled their thoughts,...

. What Geese May Teach My mother had the power that knowledge wields, So questions such as—Would you like to go? Were never invitations, but commands To fly away, cross yellow fields and low, Like summer...

. Lightning Ben an excerpt from Legends of Liberty, Volume 2 Sing, muse! Bestow your gifts on—blah blah blah. I opened my first book with that. You get The point. Obliging poets need to draw The paths of...

. Boots Before Us a sequel to "Shear Wickedness" The time had come. Poor Boots was sinking low, and further down no fitting place to know. Our burden was to fix the bottom floor and see our old friend gently...

. Pearls at the Wake I must admit I glance at the obits.Is there someone I know? Someone close-knit?I see faces of strangers I don’t know—I pray they rise to be with God, then goTo the cartoons. No...

. Vanity Falls I’m feeling a little lightheaded; I’ll confess it’s what I’ve always dreaded: More hairs on the floor Than ever before, My ego and vanity shredded. . . Miera Rao is a writer living in...

. I Am Thankful for Thanksgiving I am thankful for Thanksgiving, A special holiday That doesn't require atonement, Or starvation, by the way. There are no gifts I need to give, Less money to be spent. Just...

. No News Is Good News The world contrives, in many different ways, To overload the minutes of our days __With items that anesthetize __The sensibilities that filter Our sound ideas from the...

. Poetry 101 Lecture Today we shall discuss why poems have a poor repute (Though if one dislikes poetry, apology is moot). Let’s take four types of poems with their strong points and their...

. Fool’s Gold In a febrile jungle region where the threats to life are legion And deflected rays land each on greenness rich as burnished jade Ventured forth a treasure seeker, heeding not a Mayan...