Humor

. Fake Sales “Fifty Percent Off”The store signs all say,But I have to scoff---There is simply no wayThat the clothes I picked outFrom the “sale” in that store,Were---on this there’s no doubt---Ever...

. Celestial Potatoes Thanksgiving morning, poised I stand: near cutting board, honed knife in hand. My self-taught method must suffice: ten pounds of tubers, peel and dice, pot-boil, purée with whipping...

. Montana High School Reunion The big fella who grew up in Butte, Claimed his high school sweetheart was so cute, __Going back would be grand __A reunion was planned So he went out and bought costly boots. He...

. A Recruiter Tells It as It Isn’t Your World War One recruitment agent prays he finds you well. Your King and Country says we need you for a dalliance in France. In gay Paris, you’ll get to chat and...

. Guy Fawkes Night Makeover November 5th! To Guy Fawkes let’s be kind--- no burning him in effigy this year. His hanged-and-drawn-and-quartered doom I find excessive; let’s reverse his fate most drear! His...

. I. I travel thanks to water, But do not float or sail. More quickly than an otter And have a smoke-like tail. What am I? . II>. II. When at the beach, I soak up sun, Look down on waves (that’s...

. The Walk Whether you call it a walk or a run, some animals tread on the water for fun, to flee, chase their food, or show off for their mate. Grebes, doing a dazzling dance for their date, slap their lobed...

. Their Principal Principle With their hideous lies and a gleam in their eyes They disable each new generation, For the best route to power in districts gone sour Is attacking the heart of the...

. Consequences of Following Advice Advice can come in snappy lines __That have a fun refrain: “Let a smile be your umbrella,” __Though that won’t block cold rain. They tell us that “To err is...

. Not the Same Thing Anymore Of most who go to school these days __It sadly must be stated, No longer can they be appraised __As being educated. . . Kids’ Most Common Mistake The most common...

. Autumn Reversed Once snowflakes have recrystalized,__they rise from where they fell;in Earth’s alternate universe__it’s early winter’s knell. The frost unfreezes, rain unfalls,__leaves littering the...

. What Mother Goose Neglected to Mention . A Soup Spoon Reflects upon His Past So the dish ran away with the spoon, we were told, __And he treated her well, bless his soul, But he realized, when he was...

. Cutie Pie Cat The pink-nosed face of Prospero my cat, Pink nose and white fur face, is what he rubs Against me, purring.  He does not know that I love him since he’s cute.  My finger scrubs His whiskers...

. The British Museum The best sources repeat it, unending, For the scholars in every lyceum: Many art works, of nations unlending, Can be found in the British Museum. There are statues and weapons and...

. Devotions Night after night, for nigh a year, When bedtime came, we’d watch our child Be overcome by his emotions: From glee, to rage, to childish fear, And us both stumped: What drove him so wild __And...

. Light Wave Heatwave When the temperature rises, a worker despises __The withering glare of the sun. When the sweat’s so profuse that our skin is a sluice, __Even golf and croquet ain’t no fun. A jug of...

. Supply and Demand Infinite happiness isn’t available. Something so precious just isn’t that scalable. Boundless dismay, though, is much more attainable. Being uncoveted, pain is quite gainable. . . Off...

. Garden Party The sparrows near the feeder flit and preen While predators politely quit the scene. A mockingbird is chirping up a storm, And soft drinks on the cart are getting warm. The worms beneath the...

. The Mannequins Are Melting The mannequins are melting as we speak Now that the summer heat wave's at its peak. __While passing by the clothing store __This afternoon at half past four, I saw the havoc waves...

. Washington Assumes Command at Cambridge from Legends of Liberty, Volume 3 Devoted Billy Lee, a stalking fox, Observed his master’s swaying ponytail. The ribbon coming loose, he stopped to fix It, leaning...

. Cold Blooded Murder It is a hot and muggy Sort of Texas day. Time to do my stalking And hunting down my prey. I’m armed and dangerous. My weapon I half-hide. When killing I am cautious And patiently...

. Washington Departs from Mount Vernon from Legends of Liberty, Volume 3 “Wouldn’t you rather stay?” Watching her doveOf sixteen summers, Martha’s hazels, tearingAway from patriarchal pupils, doveBelow...

. It’s All Her Fault ---with a nod to Eleanor Brown's "Bitcherel" Why write in meter when penning a poem, __You ask me, so here’s my reply: When I drop the rapturous roll of a rhythm __My muse fades away...

. My Vacation Trip in Verse by James A. Tweedie One of the comments in response to the recent “On the Meeting of Poets” post read: “A diary in verse. It’s original and interesting. I’d like to see...

. Second Chances Just know that you’ve been staked a second chance At any time the future’s looking muddy. Put on your shoes and socks, and join the dance. Don’t look a gift-horse in the mouth,...

. The Small Commission When school yearbooks are thrust forth to be signed, We give out life advice. We speak our mind, And charge our classmates to keep some small vow: “Recall our good times!” “Stay as...

. Washington and the Cherry Tree from Legends of Liberty, Volume 3 Young George chopped down his father’s cherry tree, Not knowing that a woman lived inside. While playing with his hatchet, too carefree Out...

. Problem Child Barley and hops acquainted, meet, __And yeast completes the marriage. Soon happy news as something brews __With keg for baby carriage. Where he appears good cheer is found; __When gone, he's...

. Anniversary Remembrance Sometimes I envy them the lives they lived, the death they died: They perished at the peak of lovers’ hopes and nuptial pride--- No growing old for that glad monarch or his happy...

. A Town The difficulty of describing how This town was then, may only be because So little happened there, compared to now, Though what occurred (the bustle and the buzz) Filled every room in each small...

. I Need My Coffee  I need my coffee; don’t get in the way Of that which wakes me up and makes me tick. Addicted? Yes. I’ll quit another day. I’ve work to do; on task I need to stay. My morning  cup...

. The Rise of Washington from Legends of Liberty, Volume 3 IT’S TIME! Let’s give our story’s star some space. He’s famous through the land, you know his role: “A fire in his eyes, a light in his...

. Were She to Ask, and I Affirm Were she to ask, and I affirm That I'd still love her as a worm, I'd make it clear (because my dear Has Northern Cardinals to fear) The Robins and the Starlings Would die before...

. Four Letter Words My dad was smart, my dad was wise; He crossed his t’s and dotted i’s. His grammar skills were without taint. And he did not say y’all or ain’t. He taught an English class to...

. Reward for How You Live from Italo Calvino’s Italian folktale “Gesù e San Pietro in Friuli” One night, while traveling on a mountain road, two wanderers came upon a small abode. The vagrants, Jesus...

. The Day the Roofers Came He fled the day the roofers came. His fur was fluffed and frizzy. He whizzed across the busy lawn so quick it made me dizzy. The slam and clang and hammer bang had left him in a...

. . Little Boy Blue . Original Version Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn, The sheep's in the meadow, the cow's in the corn. Where is the boy who looks after the sheep? He's under a haystack, fast...

. Phone Home I often talk to radio astronomers, The kind of guys who like to stay anonymous, Who chew on reams of stellar data every day From objects, many million, zillion miles away. In England’s fields,...

. A Tiny Tabby Beside our garden’s scalloped fence, where English Ivy’s vines are dense, we viewed an unexpected sight; a mini tiger, gold and white! This morning’s new, bewildered guest, abandoned here...

. I Saw a Naked Wood Nymph I sat down in the forest, a picnic in the shade. I saw a naked wood nymph flitting across the glade. I dropped my sandwich there laying on the ground. I went to chase the wood...