Humor

. The Great Sonnet I set myself to write a sonnet. I labored hard and long upon it. Sweet verse some maid might shed a tear at, More ere's than one could shake a spear at. I spoke of luv, both hers and...

. Mrs. Cyclops Ain’t really gonna leave. I’ll just pretend, Brontesa. Cy and I are bound. I simply Can’t bear to turn a blind eye to my mate--- Not even if our love-life’s off of late; Not even if his...

. Cystolitholapaxy Cystolitholapaxy (si-stow-luh-THAA-luh-pak-see): a procedure to break up bladder stones into smaller pieces and remove them “It’s Cystolitholapaxy for you, For guys of your age, it’s...

. The Truth about Fall Colors  I am October’s most submissive bitch, And just when I believed I’d struck it rich, The gold that hovered overhead was blown Away before I’d claimed it for my own. And now...

. Bunker Hill an excerpt from the forthcoming Legends of Liberty, Vol. 2 . The Eve of Battle The midnight moon. The month of June. A neck Of land. A hill of sand. A group of shadows With...

. Blocked Though honeyed breezes warm the marble halls on Mount Parnassus, vainly do I search for writing on my January walls— molasses clogs my veins.  A different church, perhaps a fresh sodality of...

. Season of Gall and Sticky Listlessness Autumn is upon us here in Texas. Her shy arrival’s destined to perplex us. Just like the voiceless aria of Spring, Fall’s muted presence doesn’t change a...

. Labyrinthine Bag My wife, bless her heart, went and bought me a bag with tons of compartments, and pouches, and pockets. But searching for stuff is a chore and a drag it takes me forever to locate my...

. Rhyme Subprime I tend to rant against slant;maybe it’s something I can’t__embrace with affection__or write to perfection but I don’t mean sharing a thoughtin a sensitive way that’s not...

. A Draft of Death Did Flavius not inform us How a fart fetched fates enormous? After Flavius Josephus’s account of a Jewish Passover (ca 50 AD), when Ventidius Cumanus was procurator of Judea. While in...

. On Being “Chopped” On TV, watching the show “Chopped,” I see Three losing chefs go home each episode; And one who celebrates a victory For a dessert they called, “Shrimp a la Mode.” Imagine...

. Cantankerous Limericks on Good English Prose I love a complexly wrought sentence With phrases and colons that went thence __To make concise points __With their well-dovetailed joints And gave one no cause...

. . Freedom high school algebra class; May 12, 1993 . A breeze blows in; it wisps my hair, And flutters papers in the air; It carries, with the scent of rose, A dream---and takes one as it goes. . Upon its...

. Excuse My Excuse An excuse—that’s a word to excuse at those times when I need a good ruse __which I’ll put to good use __while I find some excuse which will not leave folks singing the blues. If the...

. God Made These Texas Summers The Summer’s come again To the vast Texas plain, Where touching any metal Can instantly cause pain. The horny toads are resting In shadows of the rocks, And cowboys now are...

. The Pietà or Mickey Mouse? A book I’ve read depicts a boy Who’s searching for creative joy. His mind can’t focus on a vision, So he’s weighed down by indecision: To carve the rock behind his...

. Belling the Cat The mice called a council to try to defeat A troublesome cat who would ruthlessly eat Any mouse in the house that she happened to meet. A young mouse spoke first. “Pay attention to...

. Aphorisms for a Foggy Morning No literary monuments exist without the word. A lord who lacks entitlements is patently absurd. A song that has no sound to give has never yet been heard. Two wings for every...

. The Magic Casket 'Twas in the local funeral home __The miracle occurred, As ticking clock hands kissed at noon __And restless spirits stirred… A gasp, a creak, a quake, a crash, __A spectral puff...

. Mosquitoes God designed the darn mosquito, But the reason’s nothing we know. Seems their less than epic purpose Is to bite our epidermis. . . The Left’s Vision for Future Transportation From much of...

. Gordon’s Soup One day old Arthur Vincent Knowling, Quit the couch to take up bowling, Grasped the fact at fifty-three, The time he’d wasted on TV. He’d been a hermit all these years And suddenly was...

. Ghost in This House "I don’t mind staying in, there’s another ghost here. He sits down in your chair, and he shines with your light, And he lays down his head on your pillow at night.“ —lyrics from...

. The Boy Who Cried Wolf Once there lived a shepherd boy who Despised his dull profession. His job was to alert the town When wolves would show aggression. One Saturday in late July, He thought it would be...

. Pick-up Truck Dude This dude in his old pick-up truck Sped recklessly, riding his luck. __He swerved ‘round the bend, __Lost control in the end, And got his truck stuck in the muck. . . Sleeping...

. Two Summer Villanelles . l. Lone Star Sear The burn and boil is grim for some. I’m red of neck and flushed of cheek. I’m roasting under summer’s thumb. Cicadas thrum and twang and strum Their shrill...

. Curious Couplets . Goose Lady When driving through a blizzard, Marge Espied a goose, not over large. Determinedly it marched along— One wing dragged as it sang its song And whistled wee wee as it went— A...

. Medieval Scam Letter Felicitations from the Holy Land, Where I, as sole survivor of a band Of mercenary soldiers stashed away Much booty; and concealèd it shall stay Until a boat’s procured to sail me...

. The Sky Within The rolling sea becomes a frothy lather When argent Sister Moon calls forth a tide And sooty billows on the skyline gather. A flash of lightning urges us inside Where we observe the phases of...

. The Tortoise and the Hare in limericks A tortoise and hare were a-talkin’. Said Hare: “Why, your slowness is shockin’! __If we ran a race, __You’d be a disgrace. I’d win, even if I were...

. The Number 53: To His Coy Transport Had we but world enough and time, My coy and tardy 53, This hesitancy were no crime And I’d be waiting patiently. When other buses came along I’d not obstruct or...

. Henry at Morning Time I’m lost in Greek or Latin, when You break into my life again. “Daddy, look! It’s morning time,” You say, as rays of sun sublime Bring color to the room. The leaves of...

. Don't Mess with Texas Gals On My Late Life Wife . Don't mess with my hot Texan. She's Texas born and bred. She does not fool with strangers. She'd rather see them dead. They said when she was born She had...

. The Number 44: The Cookery Class Now, this is a tale of a cookery class; It happened in Battersea early one March. The teacher was Jane who though barely thirteen Already sought fame as a culinary...

. The Adventures of Verb At six, I had a dictionary Where I would meet a man named Verb, Superb and quite extraordinary, In every definition’s blurb, Right at the finish, did while doing, For example:...

. Fifth Glyph This glyph, in British talk, occurs most oft--- most common, too, writ down within our books. Twixt ‘a’ and ‘z’ it’s fifth, not sat aloft but low and unassuming in its...

. Gnome A long-time fixture at our home Is Schnozz, our little garden gnome. This non-complaining happy chap Appears to have a handicap, And looks to me, I must confess, A poor neglected, grubby mess. His...

. Come September a pantoum Ohio State’s your home come September, Though we'll be lonely, stuck as empty nesters. Our home will be without its central member, When college life will beckon each...

. Butterfly Habit Ungainly butterfly, Misdirected flight. Fascinating random, Unpredictable delight. To and fro… up and down And backwards if you please, Bumbling aeronautics Independent of the...

. On Second Thought When words fail, __perhaps it’s not the words at all, __but hobbled minds that cannot call __a lucid image to avail ____the powers of description. When love fades, __it might not be true...

. A Poetic Heretic’s Poetry Tips a villanelle inspired by Dr. Salemi's essay "Poetry As The Philosophers Stone" Don’t listen to the howl of highbrow spiel From preachy creatures out to flatten...